Stepford Wives

I'm talking about the 2004 version. Not the old one.

Terrible, dreadful, awful.

There's one problem with this movie: It isn't funny. At all. I think we counted maybe 3 laughs. The original version was a drama, with real people and real tension, set in a real world. I cared about the main character. This version was a comedy, with cartoon people in a fake world. I didn't care about the main character. In fact, I wanted the main character to be turned into a robot, so Nicole Kidman could stop trying to act.

In this version, I think director Frank Oz gave up on having a real movie, because he figured everyone knew about the robot twist, so there wouldn't be any suspense. The alternative was to make it a comedy. Which might have been a good idea, had there been any humor in the movie. Instead of a funny spoof, it was a hectic, self-conscious horrorshow. Nicole Kidman was morose one minute, manic the next. Matthew Broderick looked like he wanted to be put out of his misery. The only one who looked like he was having fun was Christopher Walken, because he just didn't give a crap.

Let's not talk about Glenn Close. The memories of her brutal overkill are still painful.

Two critical errors: Having "Joanna" decide to try and fit in and be Stepfordy. The scene where Matthew Broderick threatens divorce. Neither of those things made any sense, and together they picked up this derailed train and threw it off a cliff.

I *bought* this stoopid DVD because it was on the 3 for $20 rack at Blockbuster and there were two other movies that I really wanted on the rack. I thought it would be pretty and diverting. UGH. Lesson: Don't try to be Tim Burton, because you're NOT Tim Burton.

Rating: CRAPTACULAR