Anyone for Psyllium Husks?

Dear Project Runway,

How could you take Allison from me, after you so recently took away Bradley? Or Barley or Beatrice whatever his name was? Her outfit looked like a dinner mint. In a good way. If the fattycakes model hadn't fused her rib cage with her pelvis, it would have looked banging with that pleated corset thingy. I will give you that Barley's Cherbot suit was double plus crap, but who else gives interesting diary? No one.

Cheers,
LYDIA

Dear Santino,

WHY.

Thanks,
LYDIA

Dear Big Brother,

It is very clear to me and everyone else that this season is being handed to Dr. Will. I'm... almost thankful, because he (Will himself, and no one sitting next to him in the diary room). However, the wiry excrescence with the sweatbands littering his form? The one that made hay in the 90's by sneaking onto the set of Batman and selling pictures of the costumes to Inside Edition? Did he have to be part of the package? Can't Will butcher Boogie and feed his entrails to Janelle?

Yours,
LYDIA

Dear Storm Large,

You should sing Orange Crush by REM. Don't mention it.

Pip-pip,
LYDIA

Dear Benji,

Congratulations. Even though the judges practically got down and slavered over Travis' short, spikey, emotional toes, you still won by being FUNNY. I dig that. Don't ever have a feeling on stage, even if Celine Dion tells you it's got to make 'em cry. You need a red nose, stripey pants, and center ring to yourself, are you hearing me? This is not an insult. You'll have your own page in the program.

Golf claps,
LYDIA

Dear Gordon Ramsey,

I was shocked and amazed that you passed over the pignosed and vapid Virginia for the monkeyfaced and earnest Heather. I think you made the right choice, but if I hear you've hired Virginia to work for you too, I won't be surprised. You should have chopped her head off with a hatchet when she said, "Know why? Because I frickin' wannoo." And she was SHINY. Bleagh.

Tally-ho,
LYDIA