The Emmy Awards -- Emmys or Emmies?

I wasn't going to blog about this but then Candice Bergen took the stage in... I am not kidding... a CONCHO BELT. A white peasant shirt which had been tailored by a blind chicken, a turquoise skirt made out of sacking and shaped like a roll of toilet paper, and a CONCHO BELT. Candice Bergen! So, since the world is clearly ending, I thought I'd blog something that Benny said:

Benny: Mom, when we let something out, it's carbon dioxide and when the plants let something out it's oxygen.
Me: Yes.
Benny (without a hint of sarcasm, just pure joy at the beauty of nature): So, it's like we're EATING the plants' throwup! Isn't that SO NICE!?!?

Today when he finished his Capri Sun, he blew a bunch of carbon dioxide back into it and then carried it over and released it onto the trunk of a palm tree, to give it a "treat."

The Emmies roll on. Look, I don't give a crap about good, valuable television that teaches me important truths and expands my worldview. I like worthless reality shows that sap my faith in humanity and fake news shows that affirm my scon for authority. I was shocked into reaction by a concho belt, not by any sort of interest in timeless historical drama or whatever. You know who looked fantastic though? Heather Locklear. When I start to show signs of aging (if that ever, ever happens, pshaw) I want the phone number of her botoxician.

Apparently, there were only five TV movies or miniseries made this year, and Elizabeth I was all of them. Did you see it? I didn't. Tuxedo Joe reports it had a witty, compassionate script. No one connected with its production could be bothered to produce any kind of facial expression for the occasion, however. Witty and compassionate, but performed and produced by British robots. Helen Mirren had the best jewels of the night though.

Conan has this schtick for introducing the presenter where he makes a joke about each one of their names. Over and over, again and again, Conan pops up and jokes about the presenters' names. Not at all funny, at the end of the night. He shares a first name with a Barbarian, and a last name with the pub on the corner... he's... !

Callista Flockhart looks like she did a fast forward to Swoozie Kurtzhood. They showed her in the audience looking old and squanched, and I thought, no, it can't be Ally McBeal. It has to be Swoozie Kurtz. I was wrong. Next to adopt the Swoozie Squanch I predict --- Kyra Sedgwick.

Who's hot? Pam from The Office. Heather Locklear. Annette Benning.
Who's not? Candice Bergen. Howie Mandel. Jon Stewart (sorry, yes, he's a genius, but tonight he looked like the dog chewed him in the limo).

Doesn't it seem weird that cancelled shows like Arrested Development are getting nominated for awards? Amost like they're totally great shows that in no way should have been cancelled?

Harrumph.

emmies
emmy awards
television