Yesterday!!!

Wow, I totally heart yesterday! It was such an awesome day I think I need to lie down. Let's turn yesterday into a handy list so we can all remember its supergreat facets forever.

1. Searched through about 430 closets Ahno's house looking for my hard hat. Left the house in ruins. Could not find hard hat.

2. Benny goes to first riding lesson in a bike helmet with flames on it. Maybe this accounts for his unreasonable bravery, and his repetition of the phrases, "I think I'm ready to be on my own" and "YIPPEE YAH YAHOO!"

3. After riding lesson we go and buy Sadie a bicycle. It is adorable and she loves it and the man puts a little round pink bell on it and we all faint from love and joy.

4. We come home so Sadie can take a nap, and Dan can do a ride, and Benny and I can veg out and sew and play.

5. Sadie wakes up, Dan gets back, and we're contemplating doing a little geocaching, when Benny attempts to pick up Leroy who is lying on the sofa eating a pig's ear. When I say attempts to pick up I mean that he laid on the dog and then kind of peeled the dog up toward himself as he was standing up.

6. Leroy bites Benny and perforates his lip and there is blood everywhere.

7. Dan picks up Benny and carries him, spouting blood, to sit on the kitchen counter for examination. I go and visit the full, entire wrath of my fiery Welsh spirit onto the dog who did this to my baby.

8. We call the pediatrician, it is official, Benny must go to the hospital. I take him, Dan stays with Sadie.

9. I walk into the ER, leaving the side door of my van completely open. We get triaged, we give our insurance information, we sit in the waiting room. The security dude informs me that we have left the door open. He is *richly* entertained by this. While we are outside fussing around with getting the door closed and the van locked (nothing was stolen) they call us back. We are not there. There is a lot of confusion about where we are. Chaos ensues.

10. Finally we get to a room. We are visited by a nurse, a resident, and the attending doctor. I answer a lot of questions about the dog and apparently they ascertain that he is not a threat to society, because they drop that line of questioning. Little do they know I half-killed him already myself. There is much consultation and discussion about whether or not Benny needs suturing. Finally it is decided that he does need one stitch.

11. All during the preparation and examination and the irrigating and whatever else, Benny is very calm and interested. He offers a lot of information about the human body. The doctor wants to homeschool her kids. All is professional, calm, and organized. This leads the doctor to believe that it would be a good idea to show Benny the needle and thread just before using it on him.

12. That is not a good idea.

13. The next 30 minutes are ugly. They involve phrases from Benny like these: I AM WORRIED ABOUT IT. WE DO NOT HAVE A DEAL. MOMMY DO NOT LET THEM HURT ME. NO NO WAIT I CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS TO ME. HELP ME MOMMY. Phrases from me like this: I LOVE YOU EVERYTHING IS FINE THIS HELPS THIS IS GOOD LOOK I AM EMPEROR ZURG! PUTT PUTT PUTT THERE GOES MY ION BLASTER I AM SO PROUD OF YOU YOU ARE GETTING AN UPGRADE TO DEFEAT ME MOMMY LOVES YOU.

14. It takes four of us to hold him down, and at the most awful moment I put my claws into the attending's arm and say, "Let's sedate him." But she doesn't think it was a good idea, she thinks we should just finish, since we are "so close." Whatever. The minute it is over Benny is completely fine and says, quaveringly, "Wow I feel great and new! It's like you made me but instead you fixed me!" I collapse into a pile of nerves and ruin. The doctor says, "This is normal." Okay. I'm thinking -- all my attachment parenting -- and it ends like this.

15. Somehow we get home. Dan has ordered pizza. Benny is fascinated and excited by the fact that he "got sewed." Sadie wants to sit on her bicycle, all the time. She loves it.

16. I get them into bed.

17. I drink a little alcohol.

18. We watch a completely beautifully retarded movie called "House of Wax" starring Paris Hilton.

19. We go to bed.

20. I hear Benny thumping about upstairs so I go up there... he tells me with anguish that he has fallen out of bed because he is so thirsty. I get him a drink.

The end.