Amazing Race 10 Recap Week 4

Amazing Race 10 Recap Week 5

Welcome to the rice paddy! It’s called HanBanBoo or something. I appreciate how Phil always pronounces things very quickly, and I’m sure his pronunciation is totally accurate. That’s just how Phil is. Unlike Probst who can’t get his mouth around “Pavarti.” Duh.

Apparently at the end of the last leg, Rob collapsed from heat exhaustion! We see him with some kind of diaper on his head and his feet in a bucket. And we are reminded of Mary’s sprained ankle. Not to mention the missing leg on that other girl. Sprained ankle my ass, try having NO ANKLE. Well, I tell ya. This race really *is* amazing.

Er/Godwin depart first at 10:55 pm. They have to go to Ly Thai Garden in Hanoi, where they must *listen for* they get some money from an old dude. They interview that they are responsible for representing Asians well, including showing a sense of humor. Then the models are off next, and when they get their money, which is called “Dong,” they make a lot of penis jokes. Rob and Kimberly are off third, and then the beauty queens, and then Peter and Sarah. Sarah interviews that she’s surprised by things about Peter, both good and bad. Like, the fact that he wears ladies underwear was a surprise good surprise? Because I’m assuming the bad surprise was finding out he’s a controlling asshole. Sixth off are the single moms. Then the Kentucky couple, who are wearing the “Friends in low places” shirt again, this time in a tasteful black. I now see that the graphic on the shirt is a coal miner crawling through a tunnel, and the whole thing makes more sense. Last to leave is Team Gay. Off we go!

Next they have to taxi here and a bus there, then find Hydrofoil Harbor. The trick is that they’ve *heard* the clue, which includes Vietnamese names they can’t spell or pronounce. Some teams bring their cab drivers to listen to the clue. Then everyone gets in cabs and sweats and yells. Mary hits on their cab driver and gives him a shudder-inducing hug, Rob and Kimberly get lost, abandon their cab driver, go back to the clue announcer, somehow with the same driver, verbally abuse him (and he does seem to be awful), drive around in circles, and glare at each other. I vote them most likely to resort to cannibalism as stress release. These two should not marry. Someone has to not be a highstrung bitch in any relationship. Or, at the very least, you have to take TURNS being the highstrung bitch. These kids both go at it, all high, all strung, all the time.

Everyone has awful problems with their cabs, but eventually they get to the bus station at Ben Xe Sha La. Of course, the bus station doesn’t open until 5AM. All teams get on the same bus. Now they’re going 100 miles away from the talking clue, and half of them have no idea where to go next.

ROAD BLOCK!!!! Get in boat and go to a cliff face. Use mechanical ascenders to climb up the sheer face of rock.

Okay, they have a choice of who to make do the mechanical ascenders, but Peter and Sarah choose Sarah. Because… ? Can’t Peter do anything? Since he has, you know, legs? This seems so illogical to me that I suspect something. They keep putting in these challenges that would be insanely hard for someone with no leg – I mean, two rock climbs within a couple episodes? Suspicious. I suspect. I’m not sure who I suspect of what activity, but be warned that I am suspicious.

Rob, David, and Terri go up and come down with clues. Next is Edwin, Karlyn, and Dustin. All while Sarah is waiting, listening to people say “It’s all legs! It’s all about the legs! Ooo, my legs!” she is also hearing Peter say random motivational crap. He continues his motivational cliché deluge while the guy is explaining to her what to do, and she finally shushes him. She gets halfway up the cliff and gets tangled and stuck. WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DO THIS ROADBLOCK? Peter, I hate you. You are a useless sack of crap.

After commercial, Sarah gets going again. Peter, who is drinking a coke back in the vote, hollers at Sarah to give Tyler a dirty look as she passes him, and to spit on him. My loathing bubbles as he calls her “sister” as in “Keep it going, sister.” She gets up, comes back down, and they’re off.

Next is Sung Sot Cave, which they have to reach by boat. They have to search around in tunnels and stuff for a clue which tells them it’s time for a DETOUR!

Over or under? Over: Row a boat to get provisions, row the boat to the village, deliver provisions, return their signed invoice to the supply ship. Under: Row around and find 30 oyster baskets.

Rob and Kimberly get off the junk and in a row boat and commence squabbling. Weeks later, they are spotted bumping into the junk they just launched from, with Kimberly screaming at Rob not to have a hissy fit, and Rob having one. Apparently junks make people pissy, because David and Mary snark at each other too. Mary at one point says, “We ain’t never been in the real live ocean.” The gay dudes can’t make their boat work either. Even the brothers are arguing.

GOLDEN MOMENT: Peter and Sarah get in their boat and Peter is rowing. Sarah says something to him along the lines of, “Good job,” probably figuring that since he is an endless volcano of helpful and encouraging phrases, that he must want to hear that when it’s his turn to do anything. He shushes her homosexually, telling her to be quiet, he needs to concentrate, he doesn’t need encouragement, she needs to shut up. UM, HI. YOU ARE ROWING A BOAT. WITH TWO ARMS. When she was going up a cliff with one leg, America wanted to shove a potato down your motivational throat. So take a note from your own lecture, ASS.

Absolutely everyone is having an awful time rowing the boat, probably because there seems to be a brisk wind. Everyone doing Over is rowing against the wind, so they turn around and try doing Under. Except for the Moms, who manage to get to the supply boat and pick up some bananas.

Rob and Kimberly finish getting their oyster baskets. Now they must get back in their boats and row back to the junk, then to the pit stop. They get there. They are team #1. Rob admits that he needs to chill. As jerk boyfriends go,

Peter is being a complete ass. He bumps into the gay team’s boat, then hollers at them, hollers at Sarah, says after this challenge he’s done, he’s done, he’s finished, he doesn’t want to do it anymore. Probably the proximity to the gay team brought out his latent anger. When they get back to the junk, Peter won’t talk to Sarah. He’s pouting. Sarah interviews that she’s disappointed in his temperament and his treatment of her, and then *in front of him* she interviews that she’s mad he was talking about giving up, when she never gave up.

Peter and Sarah are team #2. Tyler and James are team #3, even though their junk driver forgot and left the anchor down. Ed/Godwin are team #4. David and Mary are team #5.

Meanwhile, terrible things are happening.

Karlyn and her CoMom are trying to get back to their junk after being the only team to complete the Over challenge. Dustin and Candace (Are those their names?) row their rowboat all over the place, arduously, cryingly, not knowing that they have to get to their junk. Tom and Terri are trying to get back to their junk, and one of them is swimming and pulling the boat, because they can’t row anymore. Everyone’s crying.

Eventually they all get to the pit stop. First the moms, then the beauty queens, and last the gay guys. They all, though, did completely amazing work on those rowboats. I think this episode had the hardest challenges I’ve seen in a long time. The gay guys interview that they’re both very impressed with Tom and the way he pulled the boat. I am totally impressed too. Wow. That was grueling. I can’t believe they have to keep racing.

Next week, the beauty queens have to charm alligators, and Peter and Sarah continue to implode. Dear Sarah, Peter is gay and rude. He is not going to be a good boyfriend for you. Find someone nicer and who likes girls. Love, Lydia.


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