Conversation

Me (with a certain amount of anguish): I AM SO HUNGRY! I JUST WANT TO EAT FOOD. I DO NOT MEAN LEMON DRINK. I MEAN FOOD THAT YOU CHEW. I WANT TO GET A BUNCH OF FOOD, SEE, AND EAT IT. THAT'S WHAT I WANT. I NEED YOUR HELP.

Dan: Awww, honey, you know, I didn't even want you to do this in the---

Me (interrupting rudely): NO! YOU PROMISE TO MOTIVATE ME AND SO YOU MOTIVATE. YOU MOTIVATE RIGHT NOW.

Dan: Umm... hmm... let's see. YOU CAN DO IT!!! (arm motions! explosive grin!)

Me: That's not working. That's not helping.

Dan: Well, see, you've come so far, it's only a couple more days, you don't want to give up now!

Me: NOT WORKING.

Dan: Well, okay, just think about this, it was Veronica's idea, and she's the organic healthy food nut, and she bailed before you did, and just think how great and strong you are--

Me: YES YES THAT'S GOOD. ROLL ON THAT. ROLL ON THAT. (I love Veronica and Dan likes her enthusiastically but we were in a pinch and needed material that would appeal to my awful, base, competitive, black heart. Veronica if you're reading this, you know what I mean.)

Then a child interrupted us and I was distracted.

Me (glumly): There's not even any good TV on tonight.

Dan (brightly): Yeah there is! Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip! In the Doritos TV Happy Hour! Sponsored by Ben & Jerry's!

*thud*

Actually there are other things on TV tonight, including the Senatorial debate between that lying jackass spinmaster George Allen, and the democrat Jim Webb. I don't have any evidence to give Webb any really superlative adjectives, but the one he has is the only one I need.