Survivor Cook Islands Recap Week 4

Survivor Cook Islands Week 4

Previously on Survivor: I really hated these people last week, and I hate them even more now that I’m in the middle of cleansing my toxins, which means that I am sick as a dog. Heh, heh, vote for this, vote for that, Cao Boi, Becky, in out, puke, stock footage. I find that the only person I do not hate in my fog of nausea and starvation is YUL. So Yul is my new favorite. Everyone else better watch it, I’m in a foul humor.

Strange. No coming on. No Ooooeeee OOOooeeee etc? Strange.

I guess this week they show the post-tribal-council fallout before the coming on. Ozzy is upset that Cecelia is gone, and as the only member of the original Latino tribe still living at their original camp, he is all pissy and prematurely reaches the “If they’re just going to vote me off then I’m not going to find food for them anymore” conclusion that most people wait at least a week to find. Whatever. He also petulantly rejects a hermit crab. Pouter. Eat your crab.

Here is the coming on. It reminds me that Jessica/Flicka’s leggings are *really* stupid, I just so hope that someone in a post-eviction interview asks her about those inexplicable leggings. Are they… mosquito repelling? What the hell.

I drink my peppermint tea.


When Candace comes back from Exile Island to rejoin Aitu, Flicka hypothesizes that Adam and Parvati sent her there to protect her from the vote, like they have some special thing. Candace plays dumb and says that she hadn’t thought about that, because she didn’t have time. Alone on an island for two days, she did not have time to think about who put her there and why. Good one, Candace. You sure pulled the motheaten gauze over their eyes.

Over at Raro, Parvati and the girls are fussing around with the shelter while the boys sit around drinking coconuts and watching the fire. As we were duly warned in the preview for this show, Parvati doesn’t like this. One of the men wonders if the girls are mad, but their four guy alliance is not perturbed at all. The girls need them for manpower.

Reward challenge: It’s Ye Olde Clipped To A Tangled Rope challenge, complicated by a decoding wheel out in the ocean, which shall be used to decode a puzzle. They’re playing for pillows and blankets and a hammock.

For Aitu, Becky and Candace are attached to the rope. For Raro, it’s Jenny and Christina. Go! People shout, “I have slack!” and “Pull pull!” At one point Yul pulls Becky feet first under a log and removes most of her face. When the girls get irritated at being shoved and pulled and mauled and hollered at, they are told to hush, they’ll get pillows later. Ozzy goes swimming for Aitu, brings back the decoder wheel. Brad goes swimming for Raro while Aitu puzzles over the code. Thanks to my favorite, Yul, Aitu wins the reward and gets to send one of Raro over to Exile Island. They choose Adam. ALL of these people are so paralytically boring! Is it ME?


Disney World’s theme this year is “The Year of a Million Dreams.” Last year was “The Happiest Celebration on Earth.” We are wondering if they ever give up and have an off year, like “The Year You Should Probably Skip” or the “Well, It’s All Right, But, It’s Been Better” year.

Do you have your Survivor Mobile Trading Cards yet? If you do, you totally suck.


Flicka is irritating for the same reason that the rocker chick on ANTM is irritating. Always squinting and never enunciating.

At Aitu, Ozzy follows up on his promise to not catch any more food by catching 11 fish at once. He expounds on his “I’m not providing for them if they’re going to vote me off” theme by saying that he is such a great provider that he feels really confident in his place in the tribe. The others patronizingly nickname him Poseidon. I pick Poseidon to go home tonight.

At Raro, J.P. is bossing everyone around while lying on his ass next to the fire. Parvati isn’t amused. Parvati gets Nate to admit the guys have an alliance, but that he has her back. Nate interviews that Parvati is his ace, he can trust her, and while there might be sparks in the future, he doesn’t want to be thinking like a dumb-dumb right now. Meanwhile Parvati is planting a seed of resentment against J.P. in Nate’s head.


Raro finds a bird nest. Cao Boi climbs the tree and hollers at the bird, then takes a stick and knocks the nest out of the tree, along with the little chick inside. Jonathan almost starts crying. WAIT, Jonathan sounds more like Alan Alda today, not Ray Romano. Cao Boi puts the nest back, and says he feels very bad and humble. In short, everyone behaved in completely predictable and uninteresting ways. Blah.

Immunity challenge: Build a stretcher which is a puzzle. Carry it through the jungle. Swim out to rescue someone else who is shackled in a mast out in the water. Swim back, put that person on the stretcher, go back through the jungle. Build a rescue fire. Light the thingy.

Raro gets out first with their stretcher. Then Aitu. Ozzy catches J.P. in the water and is first to rescue his prisoner from the mast – Candace. Raro trail them back through the jungle. So, it’s down to the fire. Cao Boi has a flame. Jenny gets her hand half cut off. Aitu wins immunity. They’re all very happy.


During the commercial break, I’m reminded that our last “Stephanie” didn’t spell her name right either.


Stephannie informs us that someone has to go home tonight. She feels like she’s the weakest link, and says that out loud to the tribe. The boys and Christina discuss around mouthfuls of coconut that if she wants to go, they’ll tell her she’s leaving, and thereby give her the “reshpect” she deserves. However, Jenny and Rebecca take a trip to the jungle to form a girls alliance to vote out J.P. Stephannie is now having second thoughts about telling her tribe she wants to be voted out, so she’s open to the girls alliance. The only one they need now is Parvati. Or Brad. They try to get both of them on board, but go to tribal council without being sure. Or maybe they are sure.

At tribal council, they say things about moving forward, and how they don’t trust anyone, and how this will be the hardest vote ever, and then they vote out: J.P. He is genuinely shocked. If he was so strong, and the guys were so important to the team, why did they lose the last two challenges? Eh, bossy?


Next time on Survivor, Parvati is mad because the boys aren’t working… oh… wait no… Cao Boi is mad because the girls aren’t working. And someone gets an unexpected visitor. I hope it’s a bunch of angry warthogs.


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