Thing

GottaBook: The Fib

GottaBook: The Fib: "A six line, 20 syllable poem with a syllable count by line of 1/1/2/3/5/8 – the classic Fibonacci sequence. In short, start with 0 and 1, add them together to get your next number, then keep adding the last two numbers together for your next one. It’s a wonderful sequence, and it’s one that is repeated in nature (most famously in nautilus shells). "

Here's my example:

Horse
crap!
I won't cry.
You can't make me cry!
I got my green belt yesterday!

Anyone else?

Green Belt!

Today was my green belt test. I took some Aleve and persevered. I think it went GREAT. All my worrying was for nothing. I certainly did get a green belt at the end of it, so what more can I ask than this? Nothing.

The kicking/punching was good. The hardest was doing a round kick / back kick combo while moving forward -- that was making me lose my balance a little, especially at the end of a bunch of other things. The form was good. I threw in an extra open hand block on Pyung Ahn Cho Dan, but hey. I was very happy with my forms. Self defense technique demo also good. The problem was, naturally, of course, no surprise here, sparring. Sparring makes me giggle and normally I get partners that just kindly hit at me and accept my feeble thrusts at them, but today I got a partner that was A BEAST, she was like... HUGE and extremely mean and she just kept hitting me, I kept laughing more and more hysterically, until Mr. Odom finally stopped the fight. I have a high pain tolerance -- I don't mind getting hit -- but I start getting disoriented and the whole thing just seems SO COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS I can't bear it. And I just laugh. Dan thinks the laughing was getting her all enraged. *cackle* Whatever. She was tough. I'd rather fight guys, frankly.

SO! The high point was the board-breaking, which I have been totally dreading. I had to break two boards with a step-side-kick, and I did on the SECOND TRY. No one hit it on the first try and I was the only one to hit it on the second try, including a bunch of GREAT BIG MEN! Whee!!! I totally BLEW IT AWAY. I kicked so hard that I actually fell headlong into the guys that were holding the boards. Woops! Hehehe. It was fun though. I was so worried about that -- all for nothing.

So, I got my green belt. No pictures, but Dan did come and brought Sadie so the whole family watched me. A fun time. A lot of worry for nothing. And thanks to Aleve and adrenalyn, I wasn't even in pain. YAY.

Captured by sleeping baby

Clean ring

Sadie

Celebratory Lunch

YARP

Today I'm going to the orthopedic surgeon to figure out what's going on with my foot/leg/back. This is all very charming because tomorrow is my green belt test (at last!) and I really don't want to find out I can't just hop myself up on pain killers and persevere.

Today I getting a hair cut.

Today I'm hanging fliers and sending out emails inviting people to the Happy Tales Book Club which starts next Wednesday and is for homeschoolers of an age to be amused by a pet-themed book club with a play date afterward at the playground in back of the library.

Today I'm going to Michael's to get the crap to put together a display for the kids program stuff projects I'm starting at Benny's karate school. And also the crap to make the little houses for the book club -- as an attendance record they can put another pet into their house every month. I need to make those.

Today I'm picking up my engagement ring which CRACKED across the band and needed to be fixed and is going to come back to me all shiny and cleaned and grand.

*what else*

That seems to be it. If you don't count a life-threatening pile of laundry. Which I don't.

After

Before

Book

Baby

X Ray

Bones

In a room

Orthopedic Surgeon

Hat

Cute

Sadie

Tree

Done

Collage and fruit

A Couple of Bennyisms

Benny was doing his time work this morning, learning more about telling time. He has just a few more time workbook pages left, and he's beyond what they're teaching him, but whatever. They're easy to do. Anyway, he was lecturing me on the significance of different hands on the clock, and what they are pointing to, and if this, then this, etc. and he was getting this very pedantic, sonorous tone to his voice, and he ended up the lecture by clasping his hands in that grand, patronizing way he has and saying...

"But no matter what time it is, you're still alive."

Heh.

Fast forward 6 hours or so and I've just spilled dried beans all over the floor and I call out, "Oh Benny! Help me pick these up, won't you please?" and he comes trundling over and says, "Mom, those beans hold no interest for me."

WHAAAAAT.

Ice Age: The Meltdown

The children liked it but they weren't riveted. That's the short of it. It wasn't a shocking disaster, but it was just a bit muddled. A little scattered. Fragmented. It failed to engage me.

But let's be positive. The writers wisely decided to vastly expand the role of Scrat the Squirrel in this version. Periodically we get to take a break from watching the mammoth, sloth, tiger, possums, and other mammoth walk very slowly along toward the vague "other end" of a vague "valley" to avoid a flood that is being caused by global warming. We get to step back from the grindingly uninspired mammoth love story and the other many subplots that go with the many characters. We get to watch a squirrel chase an acorn. And those sequences present some of the funniest bits in the film.

The rest of it is just kind of there. One problem is that there's really no reason for a sloth, a tiger, and a mammoth to be casting their lots together, except that they did in the first movie. That movie, I felt, had a storyline that involved actual characterization, growth, change, a real tension, etc. When the tiger almost fell off the cliff in Ice Age #1, I gasped. This time, I fidgeted. It just didn't seem real. And that's what I want from an animated movie about talking prehistoric animals -- REALNESS. No, but seriously, without some degree of actual jeopardy, of actual question of what will happen from scene to scene, without someone to root for and embrace -- it's just pointless.

The only character I was getting that for was the sabertooth squirrel. They could have saved a lot of money in celebrity voices.

Everyone had a subplot because they had to have something to do, so that was tidily arranged for them. But nobody's subplot had anything to do with the others'. And the global storyline about the flood was just a reason to walk... slowly. Slowly walk. And pester each other half-heartedly about how they were all going to die. Or not.

Like I said, the children didn't complain. I did laugh, many times, at the places I was supposed to. But it wasn't great.

Ice Age: The Meltdown

The children liked it but they weren't riveted. That's the short of it. It wasn't a shocking disaster, but it was just a bit muddled. A little scattered. Fragmented. It failed to engage me.

But let's be positive. The writers wisely decided to vastly expand the role of Scrat the Squirrel in this version. Periodically we get to take a break from watching the mammoth, sloth, tiger, possums, and other mammoth walk very slowly along toward the vague "other end" of a vague "valley" to avoid a flood that is being caused by global warming. We get to step back from the grindingly uninspired mammoth love story and the other many subplots that go with the many characters. We get to watch a squirrel chase an acorn. And those sequences present some of the funniest bits in the film.

The rest of it is just kind of there. One problem is that there's really no reason for a sloth, a tiger, and a mammoth to be casting their lots together, except that they did in the first movie. That movie, I felt, had a storyline that involved actual characterization, growth, change, a real tension, etc. When the tiger almost fell off the cliff in Ice Age #1, I gasped. This time, I fidgeted. It just didn't seem real. And that's what I want from an animated movie about talking prehistoric animals -- REALNESS. No, but seriously, without some degree of actual jeopardy, of actual question of what will happen from scene to scene, without someone to root for and embrace -- it's just pointless.

The only character I was getting that for was the sabertooth squirrel. They could have saved a lot of money in celebrity voices.

Everyone had a subplot because they had to have something to do, so that was tidily arranged for them. But nobody's subplot had anything to do with the others'. And the global storyline about the flood was just a reason to walk... slowly. Slowly walk. And pester each other half-heartedly about how they were all going to die. Or not.

Like I said, the children didn't complain. I did laugh, many times, at the places I was supposed to. But it wasn't great.

Tire bad. House good.

Yesterday on the way to church we got a flat tire. I picked up a nail in our driveway from the siding guys or the gutter guys or whatever guys, and by the time we had picked up Ahno and were halfway to church, it had poked through whatever vital membrane holds a tire together, and it went from fine to flat in about 2 seconds, sitting at a light. Some helpful guys were standing there, waiting to assist us, so they did, and Dan came from home and brought his knowledge of where the hell the tire and the jack were, and then the guys fixed the tire and we gave them a twenty to go get drunk, which they forthrightly admitted they were about to do anyway. Hey, Sunday morning!

Since we were all dressed up and had no where to go, we went to mediterranean lunch, and then house hunting. We looked at five houses. The fifth one was the one I have been drooling over and playing phone tag with the realtor over, trying to get in to see. We finally saw it at 3:30 yesterday and I am now officially in love with it. I am trying to rein in my emotions, because it's out of our price range, and I don't know if it's even a good idea for us to try and manage it, but it is lovely, in every way, completely spot-on perfect, and I've never seen a house I liked more.

This is a 100 year old house onto which an addition was put in 2004, and the addition includes this room, which has this fantastic kitchen. The rest of the room, spreading out to the right, has build in bookshelves and entertainment center, and then the adjacent little breakfast room, jutting out with all those windows on the right side, first floor. The thing jutting out with all the windows in the left side is the office. There's also a long dining room which we'd use as a den, and what was the dining room in the old house, which we'd use as a music room/art room.

The back yard has a great magnolia tree, perfect for climbing, and the neighbors have little kids. The neighbors two doors down the other way are homeschoolers with lots of kids and lots of swings and stuff in the yard. We've met them -- they seem friendly etc. The stairs off the kitchen go up to the master suite which has a deck on the second floor. Lots of bedrooms. Lots of room, in general.

What a day. :) It is a house that makes me want to go through the agony of moving, in fact makes me want to start packing today. We probably will not be able to get it, but it's nice to know such a perfect thing exists out there. Pictures below, etc.

Sadie

Tire store

Flat tire

Another Photo Show

This one is all the kids from Isle of Palms from last summer.

Here is the photo show.

Photo Show

Check it out -- is this cool or what?!? It's possibly cool. I'm testing it out to see if it's cool.

Go HERE to see a Photoshow of Benny and Sadie, one year ago at the playground. You'll need Flash to see it, I think.

House

House

Mall

Movie

Ice age

The Leak

We have an old house and an old refrigerator. Periodically, the refrigerator will spit out a medium sized puddle of cold water onto the floor. The floor, it should be noted consists of about 10 layers of alternating luon and linoleum, going back 100 years to who knows what at the bottom layer. Possibly dinosaurs. So, this floor is not, how shall we say, affected by a medium sized puddle of water. We, however, are. It's especially troubling since we have a puppy and a baby who are both still potty training. When you step in a puddle of water, in this house, you don't automatically think it's innocuous refrigerator drool. You think it's something more toxic. And sometimes you're right.

We just have assumed, lo these many months of puddling, that the cause was something very secret and unknowable. We thought we would finally have to get a new fridge. The problem with that is that the kitchen is old, with weirdly shaped original cabinets, and the fridge just barely barely squeezes into the hole that's there for it, and it's a tiny one. If we get a new one, we'll be replacing a tiny useless fridge when what we really want is a big giant monster fridge or at the very least, one with water in the door. To get that, we have to redo the kitchen. So getting a new fridge will cost about $20,000, and that's not going to happen, at least not this paycheck, know what I mean?

The other night, Dan actually *heard* the water trickling out of the fridge and he was moved to open the freezer and look in. This is something neither of us had ever done (except to get out tortellini, etc) because we just assumed this mysterious leak was deep in the inner private workings of the machine and we couldn't ever see what it is. Which is still partly true. What we DID see was that back in the back of the freezer, there is water dripping down onto a hot metal tube. This water sizzles, falls down onto the floor of the freezer where it then freezes again. I'm assuming that the puddle is formed when periodically a LOT of water falls down onto the hot metal tube, and there is too much to freeze again. The bottom of the freezer is like 2 inches of frozen drippage. Neat.

No one knows what to do about all of this. I just know that when I was making the children's breakfast this morning, a polite trickle of water made its way across each of my toes, one after the other, and I just thought, I've become used to this, which is kind of crazy.

In related news, did you know that it costs the government 1.4 cents to make each penny? Apparently the cost of zinc has gone up, and zinc is inside of pennies. Soon it will be more economical to melt the pennies down and sell them than to use them as legal tender. Don't try this at home, though, because the boiling point of copper is about 2000 degrees Fahrenheit. That's hot! Woo!

Another tale of workbook subversion. He likes to answer questions with as few words as possible. If a phrase will suffice, don't use a sentence. If a word will suffice, don't use a phrase. Etc. Yesterday he surpassed even himself -- he used a status bar. The page was about making inferences and the question was "Why do you think Jeff made cookies today?" Benny drew a long rectangle with a black triangle in one end of it, then labelled that end MIN and the other end MAX and put the word HUNGER underneath it. This makes tons of sense if you play the Sims. Which Benny does. With relish.

Group class

Group class

Seeing Sarah Chang

Chrysler Hall was a lot of fun last night. Thanks to the Academy of Music, we got to see a working rehearsal of Sarah Chang and the Virginia Symphony, practicing for their performances of the Sibelius Violin Concerto this weekend. It was so cool! She was absolutely riveting, in every way, and it was so interesting to watch them work out the tempo and the cues and whatnot. I'd never really thought before about the give and take between a soloist and a conductor, especially on a really romantic piece like this where the soloist is stretching and squeezing it.

Her performance and the piece itself reminded me of my favorite recording -- Perlman doing the Brahms violin concerto -- there was even a part with staggered octaves ascending that REALLY reminded me.

Afterward there was a Q&A downstairs, and she answered questions for about half an hour before being whisked off. Benny asked two questions: "What is your highest note?" and "Which do you like better -- Beethoven or Mozart?" The first question she didn't really understand what he was asking. He was blown away by how far she went up the fingerboard and wanted to know what note it was. She was telling him how E is the highest string on the violin. Which he knows. The second she answered Beethoven. Then she signed things and Benny got his Suzuki book signed -- cool!

He was SPECTACUARLY well behaved throughout the whole thing. During the rehearsal he wrote a book about stringed "insterments" including the "chelo" and the "fiolas." It is pretty hilarious. But he was quiet and good throughout and when it was time to ask his question he did it very clearly. Yay for Benny! I was so proud of him!

Chrysler Hall

Q and A

SC

Sarah chang

A

Kids

Corpse Bride

Corpse Bride was great, just like I thought it would be. In fact, it was exactly as I expected it to be -- which is good and bad.

I like Tim Burton and I like Johnny Depp, but I'm getting a little tired of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, together forever, true love always, etc. This time we have a Johnny Depp puppet. He is great, don't get me wrong, and I deeply understand the fixation, but... enough already. Note to Johnny Depp: More Finding Neverlands. More Pirates. Fewer deranged chocolate magnates. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was a magnificent disaster.

Corpse Bride is neither a disaster nor a mess. In fact, it is lovely and charming, in exactly the way you would expect it to be -- no more and no less. The soundtrack is spot on, the visuals are haunting and exquisite, and the storyline is sweet. It did not blow me into next week like Nightmare Before Christmas did. However, this time I felt like I was in familiar territory, and when I saw "Nightmare" for the first time, I'd never seen anything like that before. Maybe if I'd seen this one first, I would have felt the same about it.

As for the love triangle between Emily Watson, Helena Boneham Carter, and Johnny Depp, I was definitely rooting for the Corpse Bride to win. The ending was tidy. The whole movie, in fact, was a little tidy. After the "Ahhhh cool!" moment of seeing how the real world was faded and the afterworld was saturated with color, I didn't see anything else in the movie to really charm me, apart from the usual Burton visuals.

I think that with the Legend of Sleep Hollow, Burton just lifted the bar so high that even he has trouble climbing over it any more. The one thing that did completely enthrall me was the fact that this is stop-motion animation. At the beginning of the film, I said to my husband, "It almost looks like stop-motion animation, but it couldn't possibly be. They must have used computers to kind of simulate it, for nostalgia purposes." No, it is really the genuine article. Which is stunning and beautiful. If you watch the "making of" featurette on the DVD, your teeth will fall out of your head with admiration for the effort that goes into this stuff. It is truly amazing.

Violin

Puzzle -- What is it?

I made a puzzle for you -- who can figyer out what it is?

Go HERE to see.

BREAK

We played hard all morning. Benny worked hard. He's learning (again) about fact and opinion. Again, the workbook is so weird and he reasons his way into giving the wrong answer, which could actually be right. Again, I'm trying to show him how to figure out what the book wants him to say, but I'm only doing it weakly, and in reality I'm just letting him go with his own idea. Later, he can figure out what the book wants him to say.
12:00 the contractors packed up and left for lunch. 12:01 the baby was asleep in her bed. I hope she gets a full hour before they commence pounding on the house again.

Bunnies and Sheep

Sadie

Real Dog

Pretending to be a Dog

Happy Anniversary

Siding guys are at it again. Sadie, in her little lemony dress, holding a small piece of bread in her dimpled hand, pointed at the man standing outside the window on a ladder, banging on the walls, obviously intent on tearing down the house. She said, "Hey. You doppit. Hush now."

*cackle*

Today is our anniversary! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US. Nine years. This morning as Dan gave me my card he was humming the Song of the Volga Boatmen. The card was printed in black and white on a computer printer... and folded over. The outside has a picture of two people getting married and it says

Happy Anniversary

To someone so pleasant
And happy but not coarse
This card is your present...

And on the inside it says...

Dammit.

I love you!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think he's trying to top the Valentine's Day card that was a money card with two dollars in it. I just don't think that could ever happen. Not even by tormenting me with the possibility of being given a HORSE. I like him anyway. He's a nice man. Sometime we're going to go see V is for Vendetta in the theater as our anniversary date.

The back of the card says "Made especially for you by Your Husband!" in really special curly fancy font. *cackle*

The Squid and the Whale

This was billed as a comedy. It wasn't. Unless it's funny to watch miserable, irrevocably damaged people doing horrible things to each other, themselves, their children, and your own youthful idealism. For me, it was like getting poked in the eye with a pencil -- over and over. I kept standing there, expectant, hopeful, naive, thinking maybe I wouldn't get poked in the eye any more times, but inevitably it came -- the eye poke.

The movie is a long gauntlet of awkward situations, and unforgettably dreadful moments. There is no forgiveness, no redemption, no hope -- there is only wound heaped upon scar, from parent to child and back again, and from spouse to spouse -- kind of like the tennis that is a motif in the film. If you feel the need to cringe, here is your opportunity. I don't think my shoulders relaxed once throughout the movie, although their were many times when I stopped cringing with horror in order to clutch my mouth and say, "He did NOT just do/say that."

I am not a person who needs things to be all joyful or demands the happy ending. I have never said, nor will I ever say, "Can't we all just get along?" However, tomorrow is my ninth wedding anniversary, and this movie makes marriage, parenthood, or really any relationship at all with another person just seem like a toxic prison, from which there is no escape but nihilism. NEAT! Happy anniversary to me!!

For what it's worth, I also predicted everything that happened in the film as we went through it, including the development of the motif in the title. It was predictable in the wide view, but as for the many little barbs and spears that are thrown along the way -- unless you're as bloodless and depraved as the characters in the movie, you'll never see them coming.

I think, as a sidenote, this is the best acting Jeff Daniels has ever done. Pity it's in such a bamboo-shoots-under-the-fingernails of a movie.

John Malkovich

Pirelli Tires made an eight minute film to advertise their tires. It has John Malkovich in it. You can watch it in Flash... fullscreen... Click HERE.

Non Sequitur Award

Tomorrow night we're going to see Sarah Chang play the Sibelius Violin Concerto. We've been listening to it, and talking about it... preparing for it...

Me: Benny, do you remember when you went to see Hilary Hahn, with Daddy?
Benny: Yes. She played some very loud music.
Me: Are you excited? Tomorrow is the day we go see Sarah Chang!
Benny: Oh YES!!! I'm so excited because I love to meet new people!!!
Me: Oh, okay!
Benny: I love to chew on sleeves and towels!!!!

UH!? First, I love the fact that goign to see visiting violin prodigies really feeds his need to meet new people. I'm sure Hilary Hahn, Joshua Bell, and Sarah Chang, et al, would be glad they were making such an impact. Second, sleeves and towels? Is there some sort of... line that can be drawn, connecting those things? I mean? Really?

Alright!

Well I have been back on the detox diet for one day and I already feel better. And day one is always the hardest. When you get a day of dieting under your belt you feel like you've got a stake in it. And you don't want to lose that small gain. I really do feel better. Apparently, this insane dogma about nutrition has some foundation. Apparently, what you eat has some effect on how you feel. STRANGE. During the month of February, when I was so pristinely virtuous, I felt great, started 15 new projects, and basically ruled the world. Then March came, I went back to my old ways, and lost my zip. I need the zip back.

Last night we watched "The Squid and the Whale." Imagine if you're having a conversation with someone, and periodically they keep putting a stick in your eye, and you just sit there looking at them intently, expectantly, waiting for the next poke, and then it comes, and you open your eyes back up and wait for the next one. That's what watching that movie was like. We just sat there going "Ouch!" and "Ouch!" and "Ouch!" until the end. Which was unsatisfying.

Now I can't find my mobile phone.

Cross

Easter

Ready

Husband

Dan was having trouble controlling his road venom today. *cackle* He likes to preach long complicated sermons to me about what traffic violations are going on around me. I listen and nod and smile and pretend to write down good points. As long as he's explaining it all to me, he isn't getting out of the car and beating some unsuspecting person into paste. They might have just been thinking about something else, you know, besides strictly adhering to traffic rules. It happens. Anyway today he said:

Him: I just wish I had a consideration bat, so that I could beat some consideration into everyone I meet.

Me: Isn't beating someone with a bat sort of the opposite of considerate?

I think the "Consideration Bat" could be one of the most paradoxical objects ever to be imagined by a man in a minivan.

Nunu is crazy

Easter Eve

Benny went to bed chortling over it being Easter Eve today, and he woke up ecstatic that Easter Eve is finally here. Yesterday we colored eggs so we can do our yearly bit to feed the bunny's egg-hiding addiction. We managed to get 32 eggs mostly unbroken back into the cartons, and they're waiting in Ahno's fridge. They'll be divided between the children's baskets which they leave beside their beds with notes for the bunny. The bunny, frothing with delight because he has EGGS TO HIDE, will then hide them all over the house along with other plastic eggs filled with c a n d y and also some small prizes of a varied nature. Then when the children wake up their empty baskets will be sitting there beside their beds, waiting to be filled back up with EGGS AND OTHER DELIGHTS. What fun.

I have lots of Peeps this year. Last year there was a bit of a Peep shortage because I think I waited too long on "Easter Eve" to get myself in order. This year I'm all ready.

Yesterday we took Dingus Khan Pow Pow to the dog groomers and then went off to play at Porterfields. CHECK OUT THEIR AZALEAS. Ouch. Riotous beauty and so forth. Their back yard is even more amazing. It's like fairyland. We went for a bike ride and then packed up and went off to Sam's Club. That's where we purchased the giant box o' eggs. And also eight quarts of Spaghettios. Sadie's comment was, "Oh yes! Skay-ohs are soooo yummy!" Well hey. Then we went to Ahno's house to color the eggs. Then home, arriving just as the workmen were finishing up, and then to karate where Benny had another extremely near miss on the green tips. He always seems to do something awful during the last part of class to make it impossible for Mr. Odom to distribute those darn elusive green tips.

Today is a new day, however. A day in which I must finish chapter 3 or throw myself out the window.

Eggs

Posse

Sadie

Netflix

Hey, does anyone have Netflix? With their "Friends" feature, we can peek on each other's movies and see each other's ratings and answer trivia questions about each other. FREXAMPLE: In the margin of Netflix yesterday there was a trivia question for me: On which of these movies did Joshilyn wildly disagree with Roger Ebert? And the answer was DIE ANOTHER DAY. Which was too easy. But you get the idea. Anyone else want to be on my Friends list?

The Pounding and the Pounding

People are putting new siding on our house. The house is changing from a white house to a blue house. A slate blue house. A house wrapped in the finest fitted insulation and then in the finest vinyl siding in a shade called "Harbor Blue." It's going to be SPECTACULAR.

Unfortunately it means that for days and days, men with hammers have to come and beat the house nigh unto death from 8 to 5, taking a scant 60 minutes off for lunch. No one can nap. No one can learn anything. No one can think. No one can write their novels. We have to go to Sam's Club instead.

Conversation with Senator Benny:

ME: Benny, what do you want for breakfast?
B: Well, I want toast or plain. When I say plain I mean just oatnut bread.
ME: Well which one do you want?
B: Whichever one you want to give me, and I will be happy with it.
ME: I think with that attitude, I want to give you a big kiss!
B: A kiss? Why that would be GREAT!
ME: I'm going to make you toast.
B (hands folded): Oh, that will be just perfect.

His moods are so wildly diverse, it's astonishing. I mean, yesterday he was with giant angry face hollering as loud as he could at his sister about something so insignificant I can't even remember. Someday he's going to be a man. Can you imagine?

The POUNDING

People are putting new siding on our house. The house is changing from a white house to a blue house. A slate blue house. A house wrapped in the finest fitted insulation and then in the finest vinyl siding in a shade called "Harbor Blue." It's going to be SPECTACULAR.

Unfortunately it means that for days and days, men with hammers have to come and beat the house nigh unto death from 8 to 5, taking a scant 60 minutes off for lunch. No one can nap. No one can learn anything. No one can think. No one can write their novels. We have to go to Sam's Club instead.

Conversation with Senator Benny:

ME: Benny, what do you want for breakfast?
B: Well, I want toast or plain. When I say plain I mean just oatnut bread.
ME: Well which one do you want?
B: Whichever one you want to give me, and I will be happy with it.
ME: I think with that attitude, I want to give you a big kiss!
B: A kiss? Why that would be GREAT!
ME: I'm going to make you toast.
B (hands folded): Oh, that will be just perfect.

His moods are so wildly diverse, it's astonishing. I mean, yesterday he was with giant angry face hollering as loud as he could at his sister about something so insignificant I can't even remember. Someday he's going to be a man. Can you imagine?

Groovy Wackjob

Here's a guy who says he can heal you over the phone *or by email* by telling your body to correct itself. The name for this therapy is bahlaqeem which is a word that he made up because it had "a soothing vibrational influence." Unbelievable. Somebody needs to apply a soothing vibrational influence to his crazy brain. You'll be glad to know he is working on solving, not only back aches, but also terrorism:

Something else, my adjustments of the body raise their (body) vibrational rates. In other words the body vibrates higher. I do not sense that regular chiropractic does this, because they (most chiropractors) work on lower physical levels. My work is on a much higher level. It is very subtle. The subtler, the more powerful. There is a chance that when a body is vibrating at a higher level, disease processes may not be able to survive in such an environment. This is in theory only at this time because what I am doing is so new and revolutionary. Even the terms adjustment and manipulation are not really proper for what I do, but they are the closest to what I do that people can understand. The increase in vibration is also helping people prepare for the changes that will be coming and are happening now. These changes are being manifested by the increase in all the earthquakes, killer storms, volcanoes, hatred, anger, terrorism, etc.

This link comes courtesy of Ahno. Thanks soooo much for the hook-up! *cackle*

Another work for me

Counting Easter things

Conversation

Benny: MOM, what makes your poop softer?
Me: Fruit.
Benny: MOM, what makes your poop harder?
Me: Cheese.
Benny: CHEESE!!!!! *uproarious laughter*
Me: *conservative silence*
Benny: Mom, are you just joking, or are you just making up a story, or are you just right?
Me: I'm just right.
Benny: Oh, can I have some cheese, then?

I HAVE NO IDEA. NONE. I don't even WANT to know. I blame Wallace and Gromit.

Park

We went to the park with the Porterfields. There were TONS of kids at the park, since it's spring break here and all the school kids were out in force. GORGEOUS weather. Leroy was popular, all the kids were well behaved and the picnic was nice. It was fun.



Yesterday morning at least sixteen men all started pounding vigorously on our house with hammers in various rhythms. They are actually tearing off the old siding and putting up new insulation and siding. It is a BIG PROJECT. The house is going to be blue now. Benny is excrutiatingly interested. So much so that his math took him an hour and five minutes yesterday. An hour to sit and surrepticiously listen to the men working outside and five minutes to finish the work after the men went on lunch break.

Because I felt like I was going to tear out my eyes from hammering stress, and because there was no way Sadie Grace could have slept through the apocalypse, we went over to Ahno's house. We got Benny's bike, the stroller, and the two dogs (Pork Chop the Chihuahua and Leroy the Boston Terrier) and set out. Eight blocks later we were at the dog park, where Leroy and Benny had a ripping good time and Pork Chop watched haughtily from Ahno's lap.

The high point of the experience was when an enormous dog with wolf hair peed walked languidly over to my stroller and peed a river into my diaper bag. THANKS DOG. Then he peed on Benny's bike. Leroy got absolutely filthy, Benny got satisfactorily immersed in dogginess, and then we all marched home. That was fun too. But in a different way. In a "Crap, a giant wolf just peed in the diaper bag!" way.

Here's a picture of Leroy trying to protect the bike from the peeing wolf dog. You can see the wolf dog has no interest in Leroy's protestations, and only has unchecked, uninhibited urination on his mind.

Another Benny

"One important thing to me is what I can do with numbers. I can count by twos. Can YOU count by twos?"

Workbook

Today in Benny's reading comprehension practice, the story was about jumping rope. One of the questions was "What are two speeds for jumping rope?" and the answers the book wanted were "Fast" and "Slow" but Benny wrote in 14 mph and 17 mph. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I love my son. He ALWAYS manages to subvert these workbooks!!!!

Easter Bunny

Who is virtuous?

I am virtuous.

Library books: BACK.
Pot for boadi tree: BOUGHT
Netflix movie: SENT.
Ebay items: SENT.
Easter bunny and children: PHOTOGRAPHED

AND MANY MORE THINGS TOO NUMEROUS TO LIST.

Now to solidify my astonishing virtue, I'm going to actually COMPLETE a shutterfly order. Then I can die.

Car wash

April Cornell

Easter Bunny

Benny

My favorite Benny quote from yesterday:

"MOMMY! Is it available, that I can take my violin to American Idol, and show them all the stuff I made up for The Owl and the Pussycat? When I'm 16?"

My answer: YES! It is available!

Hehehe.

Work time

Sweet!

One of my auctions on one of Sadie's little outfits went up to $15. I am so sick of auctioning things though. Seriously. It is a pain in the neck, because Ebay is all buggy and their new form is giving me a headache. And it takes forever. I may not do any more. Dan says I have permission to switch to a different 50 day challenge. Meanwhile Benny and Dan just roll on methodically and are on day 8 with perfect attendance to their tasks. WHATEVER.

Hey, I got a SO COOL email today. Apparently I'll be able to *buy* Gymboree pretty soon, because I'm going to get an enormous sum of money from the British government:

From the records of outstanding contractors due for payment with the government of United Kingdom. your name and company was discovered as next on the list of the outstanding contractors who have not received their payments. I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter. Also note that from the record in our file, your outstanding contract payment is B.P S 13.7million british pounds sterling (Thirteen million seven hundred thousand british pound sterling). Please re-confirm to me if this is inline with what you have in your record and also re-confirm to me the followings


1) Your full name.

2) Phone, fax and mobile #.

3) company name,position and address.

4)profession, age and marital status.

5) Copy of int'l passport.


As soon as this informations are received, your payment will be made to you in a certified bank draft from her marjesty treasure London UK and a copy will be given to you for you to take to your bank and confirm it. You must get back to me on my direct email, as soon as you receive this letter for a serious discussion with me.


Regards,

PROF. FRANK ADAMS.

Executive Governor her majesty treasurer London UK.

Cool, huh! Bet you wish YOU could send him all your personal info. Since it's 13 million dollars, I'm going to go ahead and send him TWO copies of my passport. Can't be too careful, these days. *roll eyes*

Today in Benny's Sunday School, Ms. Charlie put on a SEDER for all the kids. Since Passover is on Wednesday, they learned all about the Seder meal and the last supper and whatnot. This is why I love our Episcopal church. And Ms. Charlie is awesome. Ahno and I were "mothers" at two of the tables, helped the kids with the different foods and stuff -- it was so cool. Benny was angelic. What an enormous effort that took to put together, though! Wow!

Lesson

Rainy Day

Today we went to watch a bike race in Smithfield. We got there late, it was mostly over, but we met some nice people and Dan got motivated enough to enter the next one. We took a walk around Springfield and Sadie's stroller almost pitched straight over after hitting a bump on a curb. We were going down a HILL (unheard of in our town) so it was a little crazy. Dad gouged a hole in his leg keeping the stroller on its wheels, and he managed to not kill the baby. He looked like he wiped out on his bike after all.

Then we went and bought some discount ART to hang in Dad's office. We fooled around letting the kids play on the phone system there for a while, then trundled home.

Leroy was wearing a gender-confusing scarf and got mistaken for a girl. I also got a lecture from a stranger on how I should just TEACH him not to jump up when he's excited, and how I should watch the Dog Whisperer. I was like, Dude, I watch every episode. He said in tones of greeeaaat patience and pity, "You have to treat him like he's your dog, not like he's your child." And I was thinking, "Well, you calmed down my dog, but now you've got another problem, buddy, because you're treating ME like YOUR child, and I am about to smack you in the head." But I just smiled and nodded and made noncommital mutterings. It doesn't do to get into arguments with self-righteous people in the park, eh?

I was writing this auction for my (awful) Stepford Wives DVD and wanting to spice it up a little, and I wrote it SOOOOOO sarcastically that I thought, wait a minute, I'm supposed to be urging people to buy this, so I revised it, and made it super kiss-assy.

HERE it is.

The fifty day challenge rolls on. I have now sold two things (48 things left), and I've got five auctions active. That means I have to auction one more item to be all caught up as of today, and I DON'T WANT TO. I want to auction the fifty day challenge. That's what I want to auction.

Leroy

Dad's potpourri

The boss

Outside Dad's work

Radhe

Post Garden Ridge

Girl

Rock wall

Happy dog

Terror in Smithfield

Meeting dogs

Galapagos IMAX

Before we watched this movie, we did a mini-unit on the Galapagos Islands. You might recall our great Darwin song. GO Charles Darwin GO etc. Our botanical and zoological studies didn't get much past "This is a Cormorant" and "Look, the cactuses look like trees," and a vague understanding of natural selection. My son knows the name Charles Darwin, but does he know he lived 150 years ago? Probably not.

In spite of their young age and their tenuous grasp on the subject matter, this movie commanded the attention of both children, immediately. The storyline follows a young marine biologist as she investigates the various features -- and animals and plants -- of the archipelago. My son went running for paper to make sketches of what he was seeing, copying what she was doing. The narrative, read by the scientist herself, was very engaging, simple, and kind of sweet. A little too much on the "this magical place" for me, but for the little 'uns, you know, they like that "magical place" talk. They had fun at Disney World tool. That's just the kind of kids they are.

ANYWAY, it was a GOOD movie, and it afforded me a very warm happy feeling, when my little kids were jumping up and down watching a documentary, yelling, "MARINE IGUANA! MARINE IGUANA!" It got a little detached from the Galapagos Islands themselves (no blue-footed booby, darn) and more into the under the sea stuff. There were a few too many shots of many schools of fish, and scuba bubbles, which were probably great in an IMAX theater -- not that great on a small screen.

All in all, though, it was very satisfying. I could have used more land iguanas eating cactuses with the spines and all, but the kids liked it. And that's something. They especially enjoyed the part where the scientist went down 3000 feet and used a vacuum to suck specimens up off the ocean floor. That was, I must admit, pretty sweet.

And it was our first Netflix title! Let the Netflix joy begin!

SNAP!

Two items posted on Ebay today. SHAZZAM. Fifty day challenge, BEWARE, because I am only like... TWO DAYS BEHIND. Take that!

Here's one. And the other. That is all.

Change of Plan

I live in a black and white brain where my children are tiny fragments of vulnerability and the world is a killing machine. You know? Last spring, after Benny got his bike, we attempted to take a bike ride around the neighborhood with the bike and the stroller. It was such an agonizing experience, complete with a never-forget-until-the-day-I-am-dragged-screaming-to-the-asylum moment of him rolling helplessly into the street and me with the stroller, running. Yeah. SO I had put that activity on my "Never ever do this" list, and had underlined it in red when we got the puppy.

Now, I am forced to admit that things do change. Instead of going wherever we were going to go (I think it was a responsible errand we were supposed to perform) we decided to take a bike ride around the neighborhood with the boy on the bike, the girl in the stroller, and the dog on the leash. And me calmly, placidly, cud-chewingly walking along. YOU KNOW WHAT? It was not so bad. My sweet, beautiful, intelligent child listened to directions, tried his best to follow them, and there was only one terrifying moment at an intersection. Which has already begun to fade away in my memory, from a scarlet red to a nice salmon. It was actually, dare I say it, fun.

So, maybe it is possible to have fun on city streets with the aforementioned grouping of life forms. Who knew?

My favorite moments were when Benny saw a sign that said, "Reserved Parking" and said, "LOOK MOMMY! It's a prefix AND two suffixes!" *smug homeschooler aura* and all the little times he said "WHEE!" when he was on his bike. He literally actually said "WHEE." As if it were a real utterance.

Okay, off to list things on EBAY. There are only 43 days left in the fifty day challenge, says the counter on my Google home page.

Beethoven Playalong

We're going to try and learn at least parts of the music for the Beethoven Play-along that the Virginia Symphony is having at our downtown mall. AWESOME. I can't wait. The playalong music is going to be Beethoven's fifth, the first movement and the Allegro, and then a Sousa march. I'm sure there are parts in there that Benny can play, and we'll just mark up our music and play the parts we can, skip the parts we can't. WHEE! I'm so psyched. And this is extra awesome because Beethoven's fifth is in Fantasia, so we can play along with that too. Sweet.

Our New Coffee Pot is Hot

This coffee maker is fantastic. It's... the Hamilton Beach Brew Station. You flip the lid, pull out the little bucket that holds the coffee and filter, then lift out the big bucket underneath that holds the water. You fill it up, then dump the water into the resevoir in the back part of the machine. Replace the large bucket. Replace the small bucket inside it and add filter, coffee, and all your hopes and dreams. Turn on.

When your coffee is ready, and you hear that bubbly percolating sound that reminds me of my Boston Terrier looking for a lost piece of kibble, you just push your cup up against a button and the coffee falls carelessly into the cup, stirring up your sugar, your milk, your youthful idealism, etc.

This is perfect for quick warm-ups. The only thing not so great about it is it's not the right height for filling up our Starbucks refillable travel mugs. Apart from that, it's lovely. You can't really say there's no carafe, because the carafe is just up inside the machine. BUT there is a little hole at the bottom of the carafe operated by a spring to make the coffee come out in a pleasing way.

Who else here has a baby in one arm and a cup that needs a coffee warm-up in the other? Perfect product for YOU! :)

All of Everything

Wednesday was Happy Tales Homeschool Book Club. It was AWESOME. Very fun. I will write up what we did later and post it to the homeschooling site. We learned about setting with the book I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew by Dr. Seuss.

Then later that day a great karate class - Benny did so well sparring that Mr. Odom said if he can pull out a great form on Friday, he can have green tips. And I, it seems, am going to test for my green belt on the 29th. Is there time to do 50,000 squats before then so I can break those lousy boards?

Yesterday we had gymnastics, bike ride, lunch at Porterfields' house, homeschool park day. Last night was movie night and Chinese food night. I fell asleep. Alice McPeabody and I watched In the Realms of the Unreal while Dan worked. I'll review it later. And write more novel later. And probably I should do that laundry later. And blargledy blargledy later.

Today we're going to do some work, violin, Rosetta Stone, and then we're off to the library, then I think maybe we'll go ride the carousel today. Seems like a carousel day.

I need those cake rounds that I got at Walmart so I can make a kazillion more ribbons for the 50 day challenge winners at the Suzuki studio. Mrs. Ford thinks there might be 25 kids complete the challenge, and I have only 12 ribbons so far.

And so on.

Respighi, The Birds

Waiting more

Falling Sand

You have to play this applet: It's addictolicious.

Falling Sand Game.

The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova

It's appropriate that as I'm posting this review, the dog is chewing on my arm.

*****

The question that drives Elizabeth Kostova’s hit vampire novel, The Historian, is this: What if Dracula were still alive today?

The main character is a precocious teenage girl whose academe father is a historian. Years ago, when he was a lowly graduate student, his mentor had mysteriously disappeared while researching vampires. Searching for his missing professor, the historian found an assload of adventure and intrigue. Now his daughter is following him as he follows his favorite professor into the bowels of Eastern Europe. There’s also a beautiful Romanian girl. Isn’t there always?

The novel is written in at least three different points in history, and is given through a staggering variety of letters, memoirs, notes, and documents. What a mess, seriously - how did she keep them all straight? The farther it got into the past, the more interesting the letters became. This was one novel where I didn't feel impatient to get back to the main character in present day. I wanted to hear more about the monks and whatnot.

But what about Dracula? Is he still alive? Well, to be honest, the vampire stuff was cool – bloody necks and crypts and whatnot – but the “horror” plot really took a back seat to the geography and history lesson. The book is set all over the place – Istanbul, Budapest, and all kinds of remote locations in Romania and Bulgaria. The vampire history was fascinating, along with the details of Vlad the Impaler’s fight with the Ottoman Empire, the church’s medieval history, and glimpses of rural life in the Carpathian mountains.

You’d think the history stuff would have been the background you just suffer through to get to the next creepy blood-sucking, but it was actually the other way around. Made me want to go to Istanbul. I don’t know where Kostova crossed over from research into invention, and I don’t really care. For six hundred pages, I was hooked.

Highly recommended, if not for the scare factor, then for the landscape.

Violin

Pencil theft

Easter tree

But wait

What if I did fifty days of movie or book reviews? Okay, okay, I'm going crazy. Somebody STOP me! It's all because I took the dog to the vet today, accompanied by Benny and Sadie, and the vet's office was a madhouse, and neither of the children would listen, or stay with me, or keep their jugulars out of range of every passing dog.

50 Day Challenge

Okay, the fifty day challenge started on Saturday. The first of April. It's a family tradition. You can do fifty days of whatever you want, and there are prizes for the strong of heart.

My son is doing 50 days of violin practice. My husband is doing fifty days of cycling. My daughter is doing fifty days of napping (a task assigned to her by my son). They all have their charts underway with their little cursedly thematic stickers. What am I doing? DECIDING. I want to SUCCEED this year where last year I failed miserably to do 50 days of writing 500 words/day. Don't want to do diet -- if I cheat I'm out, and I will cheat. Don't want to do writing -- I really can't write fiction every day or I burn out. I must win.

So since it is now day 3 of the fifty day challenge and I haven't decided what I'm doing yet, which technically means I am out of the challenge, which is an unacceptable result, I have to think of something that I've already been doing, which I can just continue to do. That is... revive my old Ebay nick and sell some things out of Sadie's closet. So I'm going to do 50 days of Ebay. I have listed 3 things, for three days of the challenge so far -- one auction is already over with a favorable result. So be it! It's not noble, or glorious, but to make it interesting I also decided I have to SELL everything that I list. And to make it even more interesting, I think I'm going to set a money goal. But how much can I reasonably be expected to sell in fifty days, when I've only recently freecycled or good-willed almost everything in the house?

I don't *think* I'm allowed to Ebay any children, or any unruly Boston Terriers.

Anybody else want to Ebay fifty things with me?

HERE is my latest offering.

And HERE is the thing I posted yesterday. It already has a bid.

Stepford Wives

I'm talking about the 2004 version. Not the old one.

Terrible, dreadful, awful.

There's one problem with this movie: It isn't funny. At all. I think we counted maybe 3 laughs. The original version was a drama, with real people and real tension, set in a real world. I cared about the main character. This version was a comedy, with cartoon people in a fake world. I didn't care about the main character. In fact, I wanted the main character to be turned into a robot, so Nicole Kidman could stop trying to act.

In this version, I think director Frank Oz gave up on having a real movie, because he figured everyone knew about the robot twist, so there wouldn't be any suspense. The alternative was to make it a comedy. Which might have been a good idea, had there been any humor in the movie. Instead of a funny spoof, it was a hectic, self-conscious horrorshow. Nicole Kidman was morose one minute, manic the next. Matthew Broderick looked like he wanted to be put out of his misery. The only one who looked like he was having fun was Christopher Walken, because he just didn't give a crap.

Let's not talk about Glenn Close. The memories of her brutal overkill are still painful.

Two critical errors: Having "Joanna" decide to try and fit in and be Stepfordy. The scene where Matthew Broderick threatens divorce. Neither of those things made any sense, and together they picked up this derailed train and threw it off a cliff.

I *bought* this stoopid DVD because it was on the 3 for $20 rack at Blockbuster and there were two other movies that I really wanted on the rack. I thought it would be pretty and diverting. UGH. Lesson: Don't try to be Tim Burton, because you're NOT Tim Burton.

Rating: CRAPTACULAR

The Village

This movie is fantastic. Completely smart, very scary, beautifully shot. Gorgeous on every level. It's the kind of movie I wish I hadn't seen, so I could see it again for the first time. I liked it better than all of M. Night Shamalayanadahan's movies put together, including The Sixth Sense counted twice. Dan and I kept looking at each other and saying, "This movie is so cool." And when it was over, we watched *all* the bonus features, including a ten minute thing on, like, EDITING it or something. We haven't responded to a movie like this since... maybe _Sleepy Hollow_.

It got *awful* reviews.

I think that when the movie came out (I didn't notice, I had a new baby) there was a lot of hype surrounding the plot twists. Kind of like Sixth Sense, where there's this huge thing at the end. So people were too focused on that, and analyzed the whole movie through that filter. We were fortunate enough NOT to know that, or read any reviews, or hear any hype before watching it. Yah, there are twists. But who cares? If you haven't seen it, don't think about any of the media surrounding it, if you can. Just watch it, and don't anticipate anything while you watch. I know, that's impossible.

I cannot express how much I liked this movie. It was... totally perfect. Every moment considered. Every line important, everything in every shot adding value, nothing wasted. A masterpiece.

ACK

My sweet, beautiful son just walked up to me and wiped his nose on my shirt... leaving a long swipe of glistening snot right across my middle. Then he looked up at my face, which was I assume locked in a rictus of terror, and said, "Sorry!"

WHA?!?

My work

Crab friend

Pattern

On page 239

Dan's GPS thingy

Tired

Cake

???

Nunu's Birthday

Benny named his stuffed dog Nunu in honor of the awful Chihuahua on Dog Whisperer. Today, he announced, is Nunu's birthday. Yesterday he was six months old. Today he is one. It's amazing how stuffed dogs mature overnight.

We didn't go to church because the kids are both streaming snot, and this morning Benny was coughing. I think it is just spring time allergies but it doesn't look right to have streaming children, you know?

So we went for a walk around the neighborhood, came home and did bubbles in the back yard, and now the kids are making Nunu a cake.

Salad

Baby romaine lettuce
Feta cheese
Light Bleu Cheese dressing
Tuna fish
Sunflower seeds

PARADISE.

I'm starting to think feta cheese is the new black.

Dry was the new black last week. Does that mean feta cheese is the new dry?

Karate

Today Benny broke a board in karate class! He was supposed to do it with sidekick, but it was more like a front kick. He broke one, and then Mr. Odom said, "That was too easy!" and set up another one for him, which he also broke. He was THRILLED. He paraded around shaking his fists in the air and hollering, "YES! I DID IT!" Hehehe. He never had to break a board before -- Mr. Odom skipped it during the impromptu yellow belt test Benny did, a couple months ago. So it was very satisfying.

The utter failure of the morning was... ME! He tried to get me to break a double thickness of boards with step sidekick, and I COULD NOT. Lame. I broke the second board, the one behind the one I was kicking, but couldn't break them both. It wasn't an official test, or I would have had to put out my eyes. In my yellow belt test, I broke a board with front kick on the first try. Today was like a dreadful nightmare, with me kicking and kicking, not doing any good. I think if I had turned my foot a little bit, to hit right in the center with my heel, and if I had maybe used my other leg, I would have done it easily. It's all psychological, this board-kicking stuff. Benny has total confidence, bless his little fist-shaking, ignorant heart.

Kids

Car place

Getting the Pontiac cleaned up.

Broke a board in karate

Date

Harmonica

Pancake

Good morning