Benny's Weather Report from Isle of Palms

Dan Swimming at High Tide

He did survive.

ernesto

Ernesto Photos, Isle of Palms, South Carolina

Dan decided to go for a stroll while we wait for Ernesto to arrive.



Oh, NO! Dan is being carried away by the winds! He's *just* like Anderson Cooper! Except without the yellow rain slicker! Wait, now that I think about it, where *IS* Anderson Cooper today? Probably in Myrtle Beach. That's what I'm guessing.



Here's the view from our porch:



Here's the view from our living room window:



Here's the ramp we normally use to go down to the beach. It's usually not underwater.



So, there we are! Working on uploading some videos too.

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Woot! Ernesto is coming!

It's high tide here at Isle of Palms, SC and it's a VERY high tide. Ernesto isn't supposed to be here until this evening, if it even comes -- it might skip us mostly and make landfall up north in Myrtle Beach. It is very stormy and windy here though -- big excitement. So, what is everyone doing to pass the time during this wannabe hurricane?

I'm making skirts.
Benny and Dan are playing with Google Earth.
Sadie is eating Goldfish crackers.
Ahno is looking out the window, reporting how high the tide is getting.

It's a shame -- the people in the houses next to us have piled up truckloads and truckloads of sand in front of their places to try and slow the beach erosion that's been going on, and now it's mostly getting washed away. I'm going to go and try to get some pictures and video now. If Ernesto actually comes, the only thing we really dread is the power outage. Everything else is just drama, and we love drama!

Welcome, Ernesto!

Well, seems like every year we come down here there's a hurricane. The last bad one was Charlie in 2004. I don't think Ernesto is going to be bad, but schools are closed around here, universities are closed, everyone is buttoning up their palm trees and tucking their dunes under their tarps, etc. We love a little excitement. In fact, Dan drove down here today just to be with us, just like he did for hurricane Charlie. And he's going to help us pack and drive home on Saturday too. Which is WONDERFUL. So great. The kids were so excited to see him, they just about peeled out of their scalps.

Chinese food is here.

The Emmy Awards -- Emmys or Emmies?

I wasn't going to blog about this but then Candice Bergen took the stage in... I am not kidding... a CONCHO BELT. A white peasant shirt which had been tailored by a blind chicken, a turquoise skirt made out of sacking and shaped like a roll of toilet paper, and a CONCHO BELT. Candice Bergen! So, since the world is clearly ending, I thought I'd blog something that Benny said:

Benny: Mom, when we let something out, it's carbon dioxide and when the plants let something out it's oxygen.
Me: Yes.
Benny (without a hint of sarcasm, just pure joy at the beauty of nature): So, it's like we're EATING the plants' throwup! Isn't that SO NICE!?!?

Today when he finished his Capri Sun, he blew a bunch of carbon dioxide back into it and then carried it over and released it onto the trunk of a palm tree, to give it a "treat."

The Emmies roll on. Look, I don't give a crap about good, valuable television that teaches me important truths and expands my worldview. I like worthless reality shows that sap my faith in humanity and fake news shows that affirm my scon for authority. I was shocked into reaction by a concho belt, not by any sort of interest in timeless historical drama or whatever. You know who looked fantastic though? Heather Locklear. When I start to show signs of aging (if that ever, ever happens, pshaw) I want the phone number of her botoxician.

Apparently, there were only five TV movies or miniseries made this year, and Elizabeth I was all of them. Did you see it? I didn't. Tuxedo Joe reports it had a witty, compassionate script. No one connected with its production could be bothered to produce any kind of facial expression for the occasion, however. Witty and compassionate, but performed and produced by British robots. Helen Mirren had the best jewels of the night though.

Conan has this schtick for introducing the presenter where he makes a joke about each one of their names. Over and over, again and again, Conan pops up and jokes about the presenters' names. Not at all funny, at the end of the night. He shares a first name with a Barbarian, and a last name with the pub on the corner... he's... !

Callista Flockhart looks like she did a fast forward to Swoozie Kurtzhood. They showed her in the audience looking old and squanched, and I thought, no, it can't be Ally McBeal. It has to be Swoozie Kurtz. I was wrong. Next to adopt the Swoozie Squanch I predict --- Kyra Sedgwick.

Who's hot? Pam from The Office. Heather Locklear. Annette Benning.
Who's not? Candice Bergen. Howie Mandel. Jon Stewart (sorry, yes, he's a genius, but tonight he looked like the dog chewed him in the limo).

Doesn't it seem weird that cancelled shows like Arrested Development are getting nominated for awards? Amost like they're totally great shows that in no way should have been cancelled?

Harrumph.

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emmy awards
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Beachiness

Two days of rain had me finally thinking, gee, I really do need a break from these children. The rain, the fact that I completely sauced up my back by having a "diving contest" with Benjamin, the flu-ish symptoms I was experiencing as part of the beginning of my latest "cleanse" and also, as an exciting bonus, the cyclical malady specific to my gender... let's just say the last few days have been a little trying. But the sun has emerged from the clouds, literally and figuratively. The Toypedos are back in the pool. The shovels are back in the sand. The goggle rings are back on the foreheads. Let joy be unconfined.



In other news, Benny is 48 inches tall. That's four feet, for those keeping score at home.

Kids

Lunch

Bag

Sadie

How to Dive Into the Pool

Benny gives instruction on his new skill. My special favorite about this video is how he keeps giving instruction on his way into the water. Never stop talking until water gushes into your mouth and physically prevents you from forming words -- seems to be the Benny creed this summer.

The Peaceable Kingdom

Dan kindly sent us these pictures of Leroy (our Boston Terrier) and Pork Chop (Ahno's Chihuahua). Once upon a time, Leroy's primary goal was to shove his nose under Pork's behind and snoot it up in the air. We called this "Butt Boosting" and it's what Leroy did to encourage Pork to play. He also nipped at her ears, raced around, made sassy feet, and whatnot. Pork, in response, snarled like a tiger and chewed holes in him. Then sauntered off.

While we are at the beach, Dan has both the dogs at our house. He's had several occasions now to put them in a kennel, both to come down here with us and to go on trips for business. At the kennel, they were boarded together in a double-wide thingy, and also had playtimes together at their puppy camp. Now look at them:





Here they are after Pork had her arm sprayed with bitter apple. She chews on her arm recreationally, and Dan's tring to stamp it out while he has her in his clutches. So the spray was inflicted, the Chihuahua ran and hid under the chair, and the Boston Terrier also squished under the chair, to show solidarity. At least, we like to think it was solidarity. Knowing Leroy, he was probably just under the impression there was a bug under the chair, or that all the dogs were supposed to go under chairs now, or something inane like that. But it *appears* to be peace in the kingdom, at any rate.



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Check Out My Skirticakes!

I made one other adult one, and two for Sadie Grace, which I didn't photograph yet, but here are three of the skirts I've made during last week or so:

Here's one I made for Ahno. We've been watching too much Project Runway and we were practicing our top model poses...

Here's Ahno and skirt in a more typical Ahnoesque pose:

Here I am on the runway. I call this facial expression "My skirt is on fire." It's patented, yo, so don't be copying my moves.

I made this skirt for Ahno originally but she claims it's a bit loud for her wardrobe, so I adopted it. It's not too loud for my wardrobe. Here I am cavorting with the chipmunks in it:

This orange fabric I have had for like four years. Since Benny was in a size two anyway, because I planned to make him a jacket out of it in that size, as I recall. It then became Sacred Fabric That Must Not Be Cut and sat on a shelf for me to admire and fondle. This year, however, I decided it DESERVES to be worn, and so I made a skirt out of it, which I VIOLENTLY LOVE. I wore it to church this morning.

Here's a closeup of the fabric -- the best of the four is this awesome black and orange goldfish fabric. I do still have a bit of that to hold and fondle but the rest of the set I used all up.

Sewing madly... missing everyone in Norfolk...

Pew

Christchurch

Testing YouTube

My username on YouTube is lostcheerio, predictably enough. I'm testing various things... first test is this video from summer of 2001, Benny and Ahno running around at the farm.

Ocean

Downstairs

Downstairs there are terrible people. We've been trying not to think about it for days, but it's overwhelming. Tonight their littlest child was screaming his head off, and I almost had my hand on the phone to call the police, but didn't. Maybe there was an innocent explanation.

First incident: After we go to the beach, and the pool, Ahno comes up to the condo first, to take a bath before the children get into the tubs, and to start lunch/dinner. There are three buildings that border the pool, in a U shape with the ocean at the end of it. All the units have a screened back porch on the pool side, and a front porch on the other side. The first floor condos have doors from their back porches down to the pool, but the second or third floor ones (we are on the second floor) don't, so you walk around to the other side to go up the stairs. OK.

So Ahno went around to go up the stairs and here are the four children from the unit downstairs, and they're out on the front porch or lounging around. One of them is peeing on the sidewalk. Ahno, ex-schoolteacher that she is, was moved to inquire why he was doing this. The children said they were not allowed inside the house. They were not allowed inside their condo, so they were outside, unaccompanied by an adult, and the adults were inside. There are four children outside, ages 4-10 and there are four adults inside, two parents and two grandparents of the children. When Ahno asked if they were locked out, or something, they said, with shame, "We're not allowed in." This little boy, probably four years old, was having to pee outside, and he was not doing it jauntily, he was doing it because he was forced. Because the parents didn't let them in the house. OK.

Second incident: Let me say that these are really lovely children and so very well dressed. I know enough about boutique children's clothing to know that these kids are wearing some money around here. Bows in the hair, perfect perfect. But who ever sees their mother and father? All the rest of us are out flopping around on the beach or dragging our kids around on floats in the pool -- where are the parents of these children? Yesterday afternoon we saw them outside on the ramp down to the beach. We are in the end unit, next to the ocean, so as we were sitting there sewing and knitting (Ahno and I) we watched them hanging around the ramp down to the beach, with no parents. No toys, no swimming suits, no parents, just dressed nicely and hanging around the ramp. FOR LIKE EVER. For, without exaggeration, an hour. By themselves, next to the OCEAN. I think they had been told to stay on the ramp until their parents arrived. To their credit, they did not go in the water, but they did come off the ramp, and they talked to some other families walking by on the beach, and... who knows what could have happened? Were their parents diligently watching them, from the windows below ours? Who leaves their children outside by themselves? In a strange place with large bodies of water around? These are SMALL children. Finally the adults came out, drinks in hand, with some sand toys. Nobody went in the water.

Third incident: Today we were both all agitated by it, and thinking that we should have confronted these jackasses immediately when we found they were shutting their children outside so they had to go to the bathroom in the bushes. When we were down at the pool, around 5pm, this family came out and the kids and the Dad got in the water. The mother sat down with a book, no swimming suit. The grandmother was there too. The grandmother I have never seen interact with any of the children. The grandfather I have never seen, but I know he is there because the grandmother told me he doesn't like Chinese food when they asked me for a restaurant recommendation. These are fancy people, always very coiffed.

The Dad played in the pool, alright, he was interacting with his children -- big claps for him. Nevermind one or the other or the other was always crying at any given point and that he was calling them "brats" and acting kind of juvenile and rude with them. At least he was playing. The mother called out corrections when she was forced to look up from her book, which looked like one of those Lifetime Movie books. Then the mother, grandmother, and two little ones went in, leaving the older ones with Dad. I was playing with Benny and Sadie and we were very involved in some game or other in which Benny was dragging me about, revelling in my buoyancy which made me unusually vulnerable to dragging, and Sadie was promising to "save me" and trying to drag me the other way, although she can't touch the bottom -- it was very engrossing and I didn't realize that the Dad had left the pool. Leaving the other two children with me.

If they had been out on their back porch watching, it would have been still bad, since the pool rules clearly say, no unsupervised children, and anyway who needs a pool rule list to tell you not to leave your children in a pool with a deep end that's eight feet deep? When we were ready to leave the pool, I noticed these two kids, and the only other people down there at the pool were an old couple sitting there in hats reading the paper. I said to the kids, "Are your Mommy and Daddy coming back?" and they said very quietly, "No." The looks on these children's faces was... wrenching. They looked lost. They looked somehow apologetic for their situation. Totally aware of their situation. I was sooooo completely enraged.

I led them back to the porch and watched until they had knocked and were inside the condo, after explaining to them that it wasn't safe for them to swim without Mom and Dad, and I thought, what do I do now? I was so angry, I was... spitting. That cold, bitter little bitch and that ignorant buffoon of a father. What good would it do me to go and holler at them? No good. They are scum and unfit to be parents. She's an eye-roller and a sarcasm-slinger and he's rude and rough. Why do people like this have children? I wish now that we had called the police when they first shut those kids outside -- any person can make a report on behalf of any child. I'm sure if you're reading this you're thinking I'm overreacting, maybe there is an explanation, but seeing those miserable children drifting around with nothing to do, when they should have been having the time of their lives, playing in the water without a care because their mother and father were watching over them... it was awful to see. They are obedient children and did not stray where they weren't allowed. I just loathe those parents.

If you, blonde lady downstairs, with the perfect clothes and the sneer, by some bizarre twist of fate, are reading this and happen to recognize yourself, I hope this has educated you a bit as to how you are seen by normal people who love their children and want them to be safe.

Anyone for Psyllium Husks?

Dear Project Runway,

How could you take Allison from me, after you so recently took away Bradley? Or Barley or Beatrice whatever his name was? Her outfit looked like a dinner mint. In a good way. If the fattycakes model hadn't fused her rib cage with her pelvis, it would have looked banging with that pleated corset thingy. I will give you that Barley's Cherbot suit was double plus crap, but who else gives interesting diary? No one.

Cheers,
LYDIA

Dear Santino,

WHY.

Thanks,
LYDIA

Dear Big Brother,

It is very clear to me and everyone else that this season is being handed to Dr. Will. I'm... almost thankful, because he (Will himself, and no one sitting next to him in the diary room). However, the wiry excrescence with the sweatbands littering his form? The one that made hay in the 90's by sneaking onto the set of Batman and selling pictures of the costumes to Inside Edition? Did he have to be part of the package? Can't Will butcher Boogie and feed his entrails to Janelle?

Yours,
LYDIA

Dear Storm Large,

You should sing Orange Crush by REM. Don't mention it.

Pip-pip,
LYDIA

Dear Benji,

Congratulations. Even though the judges practically got down and slavered over Travis' short, spikey, emotional toes, you still won by being FUNNY. I dig that. Don't ever have a feeling on stage, even if Celine Dion tells you it's got to make 'em cry. You need a red nose, stripey pants, and center ring to yourself, are you hearing me? This is not an insult. You'll have your own page in the program.

Golf claps,
LYDIA

Dear Gordon Ramsey,

I was shocked and amazed that you passed over the pignosed and vapid Virginia for the monkeyfaced and earnest Heather. I think you made the right choice, but if I hear you've hired Virginia to work for you too, I won't be surprised. You should have chopped her head off with a hatchet when she said, "Know why? Because I frickin' wannoo." And she was SHINY. Bleagh.

Tally-ho,
LYDIA

Kids at the Pool

Kids at the Pool, originally uploaded by lostcheerio.

Pictures

I uploaded a whole bunch of pictures to my Flickr account. You can see them here.

I've been sewing like a maniac -- skirts and little drawstring bags. We wake up, eat breakfast, go to the beach, go to the pool. At around noon we come in, take baths, have lunch, and have quiet time. Sadie sleeps, Benny does something quietly, Ahno knits, and I sew. Then when Sadie wakes up, we go back to the beach, then to the pool, come back up, take more baths, eat dinner, read stories, and go to bed. Next day, repeat! I sew in between times too. Great life. I miss Dan though.

Dan is here.

Dan is down for the weekend and of course it's raining! The kids are so happy to see him, and he took us to a quilt store and minded the children so we could goozle some fabric.

A couple of links:

Sadie's birth story is published at Black Belt Mama's blog of Birth Stories.

My friend Joshilyn literally got arrested with handcuffs and everything and spent the afternoon in JAIL because the social security people messed up some form that she had filled out and they thought she might be a terrorist -- read all about it at her blog Faster Than Kudzu.

Here's a link to the quilt store we went to today. We went to the Charleston branch... will also go to the Summerville branch before we leave SC.

Sadie is making great strides in her floating and kicking. She kicked her little float across the pool yesterday without holding hands or anything... of course Mom or Dad stay directly nearby, but she's very proud of her progress. Benny is as usual swimming like a fish. He's working on diving in with his head down. This is something Miss Ruby was just starting to teach him, when she went on maternity leave. At the last second, he always pulls up his head and lands on his belly. The tryouts for the Norfolk Silver Dolphins are on September 10 and 11 -- we'll see.

I've made a zillion drawstring bags, and two adult skirts, and one skirt for Sadie Grace. Ahno brought all six Star Wars movies on DVD and we're about to watch Episode IV. Debated letting Benny watch it but... you know... those Tuscan Raiders. I'm not sure. Better to be safe, even if I'm being a goober.

Dig

Dog

The Silliest Children

NEWS: Sadie, who has categorically hated any inflated toys, and thereby severely limited her ability to float in the pool, FLOATED IN THE POOL TODAY. We found this inflatable ring which has a dog head and feet on it, which I thought she might like. She did. It took a little bit of convincing to get her in it, but she DID GET IN IT, and she floated by herself without me holding it -- for about 3 seconds. In those 3 seconds, she realized she was independently afloat, and she found it simultaneously wonderful and horrible. I scooped her up and praised her to the skies before the horrible part of it could make her cry, and she was VERY pleased with herself over all.

Here's why Sadie is so charming... in one example: She was in the tub and she asked for her little plastic dog and little rubber duck. So I got them. And she said, "OOHHH Mommy, THANK YOU SO MUCH! It's just so WUNNERFUL!" How could I *not* give her whatever she wants?

Tonight when they were talking to Dad on the phone, Sadie and Benny were bothering each other relentlessly, and each one seemed to be spending their phone time complaining about the other one. Sadie kept saying, "No no no BENNY. Don't do it don't do it!" as he was creeping up to snatch the phone, and Benny tried to convince Dan to come and "Pick Sadie UP! Because she's torturing me very HARDLY." Then during storytime, Benny said, "I don't have any puppies here to snuggle, so I will have to snuggle my little sister. She's pretty snuggly." AND THEY JUST HUGGED AND CUDDLED for the whole time I was reading to them. So adorable. They are so entertaining, it is ridiculous.

Having a wonderful time. Wishing Dan were here.

Oh, regarding the Shangri-La: I'm doing it with oil via Joshilyn, and I'm taking a loose interpretation of the timing of the fast. I just ingest nothing but water for at least an hour, then swig down a tablespoon of extra light olive oil, then ingest nothing but water for at least another hour. And then drink some water. If you read this, you will get the idea around the oil, and Kristen, if you want to substitute the sugar, I don't see why you shouldn't. I'm sure the diet is a total crock of baloney anyway, so why worry! Heh.

I'm going now, to vote 60,000 times for Benji and Heidi. Wait, I don't vote on these voting shows. But if I *DID* I would vote for Benji and Heidi. For two straight hours.

FW: Buried

Castle

Beachiness

I brought ALL of my sewing stuff and I can't stop sewing little drawstring bags. I have now used all the scraps and small bits of this and that, that I grabbed and stuffed in the van on the way out. Making drawstring bags. Ahno figured out how to make the drawstring channel a little bit of the way down the bag so now they look a lot better. Here I am in tropical paradise, sewing drawstring bags.

Benny is making friends with everyone... yesterday he invited the huge family in the next condo over, and told them we were having "spaghettios again" (not true, but... not a bad guess either). He has collected two whelks, a hermit crab, and several sand dollars, which are now all living in a resentful community on the porch, in a big plastic box. He checks on them constantly, tells them they are ADORABLE, and wants to make sure they have everything they "need." He misses Dad and Leroy.

Sadie is just a doll. In good ways and exhausting ways. She is needing to be carried everywhere, in the ocean, in the pool, and everywhere in between. She shrieks imperiously "GO DIS WAY" and "MOMMY GET UP. GET UP NOW!" We are working on please. We mules enjoy these niceties, you know. She is doing really great, swimming around like a little fish, with one hand of mine supporting her underneath, but she's really exuberantly swimming. A joy.

The weather is gorgeous. I'm missing Dan. Ahno is sunburned from all the cavorting in the waves. I'm on the Shangri-La diet. Dialup internet is abysmal. The palms are waving. All is peaceful.

Sadie

Helper

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Emporia

Dan Loves Sadie

Scene: The father is marching into the kitchen from the living room. He is moderately fussy because he's been paying bills all afternoon. And because the living room looks like a tornado ripped through it because the children have been amusing themselves while I pack. Children are sitting at their table in the kitchen eating chocolate ice cream.

Father: What is it with you children and pillows? Why does every single pillow in the house have to be on the floor? Can you answer me that?
Sadie: Me!
Father: You?
Sadie Yah, me!

Father continues on his way into the office where he says to me, meekly, "Well, that answers that."

Packing Day

Getting ready to go here with Ahno for one month. Dan will come down periodically to see us and get buffeted about by the surf and ride his bicycle up and down the barrier islands. And the kids and I and Ahno will just bake in the sun, splash in the pool, and in general play.

Pouches w/DebR fabric

Making more pouches. This time with some eyes-peeking-out-of-jungle fabric given to me by DebR at Red Shoe Ramblings. And drinking a banana coconut frap given to me by my husband.

Passport

Last weekend we were KNEEBOARDING in the Chesapeake, and the board shot up out of the water and attacked Dan, giving him a black eye. So, when he had to get his passport today so he can go to Guatemala later this month, I had to DO MAKEUP! HAHAHA!!! I used MAC pressed powder, C2. I think it worked magically. You can't even tell he has a black eye.

Benny and Zoe

Again with the spray park! We can't stay away! This time we went with the Porterfields and the kids had fun with Zoe and Phillip while Veronica and I discussed matters of great import like which Annie's salad dressing is best. (Tuscany Italian or Goddess? Oh, the tahini!)

Bike

Please visit my official homeschooling blog at the local paper's web site for more on this bike event.

Bike safety

Pouch

Floyd on Stewart

FLOYD WAS GOING TO BE ON JON STEWART.

We all thought: How is he going to handle the thing where the doctors (those Frenchy bastards) "found" (planted) synthetic testosterone in his blood??? What will happen? we innocently wondered. Will Jon Stewart fix everything? Can the master recontextualize everything and make it totally, totally fine that the B sample is probably laced with horse amphetamines and pure opium?

We'll never know. Floyd cancelled. HE MUST BE TOO UPSET WITH ALL THE LYING AND NASTINESS. Look, Jon Stewart is the one that said, and I paraphrase, "With everything that Lance Armstrong had to overcome to win the Tour de France, I don't think it should count as doping even if he had a jet pack strapped to his ass!" He says what we all think. Here's what I think: Floyd is a Mennonite. Floyd is clean.

Floyd Landis
Jon Stewart
cycling
doping

Pork

Birdsong

Digestion

Riding

Fashion

4 Sale