Why Homeschool: Carnival of Homeschooling - Week 44

Why Homeschool: Carnival of Homeschooling - Week 44

Mobile Phone Issue

BAD PHONE. BAD BAD PHONE. It won't post. The pictures send to other email addresses, but when I try to send to Blogger, nothing happens. NOTHING. NADA. NO PICTURES. This is a week when I am too busy to dork around with my still camera and download and fix and whatnot, I just really need the mobile blogging thingy right now, to catch all this Halloweenery, and it is NOT WORKING. Not only this, but there's no help available from Blogger... at all. No email, no chat, no phone, no nothing. I know it's a free service, and I appreciate that, but what recourse do I have at this point?

Finally Posted about Disney World

We studiously avoided all educational aspects of Disney World. I'm sure they were there, but we tried to ignore them. Did we learn anything, in spite of our efforts?

Please visit my homeschooling blog on the newspaper's web site to read more.

For more of my Disney videos, you can visit my YouTube channel here.

For more of our pictures, you can visit my Flickr gallery here.

Box from Grammy

Thank you, thank you Grammy for sending this awesome box of prizes! The kids loved everything -- especially the ponies and the bath enhancing items. :D They haven't watched the movies yet, but they're looking forward to seeing them tomorrow! The fruit snacks were utilized at Homeschool Park Day today, and Benny put Buzz and Zurg in the "Zurg Fortress" and made them fight it out (between his teeth).

Thank you so much to Grandma Shirley for these wonderful blankets! Sadie went to sleep wrapped in hers and Benny was reading in his "thinking chair" with his blanket on his lap. They really like them and they're so beautiful -- I am in awe of how you can make these great afghans! Thank you so much for sending your love to the children in this way. I told them that when they wrap up in their blankets they're feeling Grandma's love. :D They are very lucky little children.

Here are some pictures of them in their blankets:









By the way, I've been trying to post things from my phone for the last three days, but for some reason my phone isn't posting things. Bad phone. Probably tired from Orlando. ;D

Library

We're HOME.

When Sadie woke up this morning, and I asked her if she was ready to go home, she said, "Mommy, this is our home now." Neither child wanted to leave. But their parents were completely wrecked, and barely made it home alive. I had a bone-crushing headache almost all the way home, but now that I'm back in my own house, I feel better. I will process a more comprehensive update tomorrow, but for now here are a few silly links:

Here's our silly video postcard from space. Notice that Dan cleverly positioned himself behind the "Live!" banner. Heh.

Here's our silly video postcard from Mexico.

Here are pictures from the Kodak Imagination Lab or whatever it is -- please forgive my dreadful hair I had mouse-ear hair. Heh. The one of Sadie and Dan didn't come through for some reason. Probably because Sadie was trying to type.

More pictures and about 16 million YouTube videos are coming soon.

Bye

FW: Twain

Twain

Jungle Cruise

Benny is Gaston

Benny's fifth time at Space Mountain

Tomorrowland!

Monorail

Safari

Demonstrating giraffe

Waiting for safari

Mickey

Donald

FW: Demonstrating giraffe

Animal Kingdom

Boo

FW: Driving

Driving

Small small

Horse

Multimedia message

Star Command

Trick or Treat

Multimedia message

Awake

Fountain

Woody & Jessie

Epcot

Waiting for B & D

Land

Crush

Living Seas

Living Seas

Shamu Show

Benny

More water

Spot Sadie

Shamu Express

Lunch

Dolphin

Multimedia message

Blue horizons

Atlantis

Flamingos

Pool

Bedroom 1

Main

Condo Thingy

Jacksonville

Aladdin

FL

GA

Freedom is on the march.

Hotel

As you can see, we stopped for the night at a hotel, outside Florence, SC. The kids have been absolutely wonderful and perfect, as they usually are on our trips. I can't complain about a single thing today -- everything went really well.

The red/orange thing I am making is supposed to be a poncho for Sadie (when I join the two bits of it, leaving a head hole) but it's so completely formless and stretchy, being made out of, apparently, hairy spider web, that I don't know how that's going to work.

Goodnight from the hotel. The kids and Dan are in bed trying to sleep and this laptop is tippety tappety! Since I've been up since 4, I should probably go to sleep too, but I'm going to post to my homeschooling blog, I think.

Hotel

SC

Poncho?

Snack

Driver, Winner.

Poncho

NC

Cinderella Blanket

Bye Leroy

Benny's lunch

Lunch

Ymca

Discovering Together

Discovering Together

Check her out -- another homeschooling blogger in the area. :D

Survivor Cook Islands Recap Week 5

Survivor Cook Islands Week 5

Previously on Survivor: J.P. lazied and bossed himself into getting voted out by Raro, and Ozzy fished and hustled himself into getting tribal immunity for Aitu. Four and twenty survivors baked in a Pringle. Who will be voted out tonight?

Now for our confusing segment that seems to be part of the new show, but still happens before the coming on:

At Raro, the remaining boys complain around their little wooden toothbrushes that the girls are sleeping all day and do nothing. They launch an obtuse attack against this lazy attitude by finding a ton of wood, catching a ton of fish, and a bucket of crabs. Parvati notices that they’re trying to prove themselves to the women, that they’re more manly now that their top dog is gone.

Now the coming on. Oooeee Oeeee Ahhhh OOOoeeee Ahhhh. You know the supersaturated rest.

At Aitu, the girls opine that it’s a good day to sit around relaxing checking each other’s armpit hair, but Cao Boi is uncomfortable with the fact that the girls don’t do anything around camp. I have to say that I’m intensely fascinated by this “The girls don’t work, no, the boys don’t work, no, over here, it’s the girls that won’t work” plotline. It has me panting like a dog for each new episode. WHAT LAZY FOOL WILL BE BITCHED ABOUT BY A SANCTIMONIOUS ASS TONIGHT? I CANNOT BREATHE UNTIL I KNOW!!!!!!!

Reward challenge is for spices, fishing supplies, wine, and a chance to send someone to Exile Island. Remember when Survivor used to try to go to different, interesting places? Like Africa and Australia and Thailand and stuff? Now they just jump around Central America and the Caribbean Islands. Each tribe picks three pairs. Each pair stands on a platform, with one hand of each person holding a rope attached to a hook. Every two minutes, someone from the opposing tribe puts weight on the hook (apparently there’s another pair of weight-putter-onners). Last pair still holding up their hook wins for their tribe.

Nate and Adam look extremely uncomfortable standing on the platform together with their arms around each other’s waists. Hehehe. Yul and Jonathan too. Aitu’s loaders are trying to load up on Nate and Adam. Raro’s loaders are spreading it around. Apparently there’s a weight cap at 30 pounds per hook. After a while, Adam and Nate, Jonathan and Yul, all have 30 pounds each. Yul drops first and they sit down. Nate and Adam are doing something weird with hugging and I guess trying to redistribute the weight – Cao Boi points out that they make a nice pair and Nate sings “Ebony and Ivory.” Rebecca drops, Sundra drops. Flicka and Ozzy are the last ones holding for Aitu, and the Flicka of the magic leggings drops her weight, and Raro wins the reward. They decide to send Jonathan back to Exile Island. Congratulations, Nate and Adam. You looked like a couple of gay guys, but you won the reward. And really, I’m sure the screencaps of you cuddling will eventually fade from everyone’s retinas but yours.

Who here would do anything for money? Tim Allen, I don’t see your hand up… and yet… when I watched the trailer from Santa Claus 3: The Escape Clause, I was wondering how big the check had to be for you to call this a Trilogy.

When we come back from commercial, the camera shows us two empty wine bottles at Raro. Since there are seven people, I’m not sure this is a sign of drunken revelry. In fact, I’m sure it’s not a sign of drunken revelry – they definitely would have shown us that. Instead, it looks like everybody drank a chaste glass and a half and went to bed.

Adam comes back from fishing with an octopus wrapped around his leg, and Cristina apparently makes everyone mad by first bossing everyone around with cooking directions, then losing half the octopus in the ocean while washing it. Then she tries to blame Jenny for not being there to assist her with the intense two-person job of cleaning a pot of cut-up octopus. Everyone speaks threateningly about voting her off.

Over at Aitu, Ozzy is making plans to explore another nearby island, since they are “running out of resources” on their current island. This reminds me instantly of the Swiss Family Robinson, and endears me to him. Ozzy asks Candace to go out fishing, but she doesn’t wanna. She doesn’t want to expend the energy. Sundra begs off too, because she doesn’t want to be out there for hours, in the Boat of a Thousand Anecdotes, with Cao Boi. The Korean Alliance (Yul, Becky, Jonathan, and Candace) are thinking of sucking Sundra into their team, so while the brave explorers are out mapping the lagoon, they talk to her about it. This surprises me because I forgot Sundra existed.

On the exciting other island, Ozzy finds “Nonee” which is apparently an antiseptic. The trio set off to find coconuts, and they find… Raro. It is Raro’s island. Cao Boi is the big enthusiastic excited puppyman you’d expect him to be. Raro isn’t thrilled to see this little part of Aitu, but fortunately Cao Boi gabbles on about mythology for what looks like several hours. Finally, they get down to a deal. They are taking the Nonee. Can they take some coconuts? Adam says no, not on our island. Cao Boi offers to work together and split the coconuts, but Adam says no, we’ll go to your island and work together, but not on this island. One final insult, Cao Boi begs for a little bit of spices. And Adam says no.

The net effect of the encounter was that the invading Aitu people made Raro pre-sick of Cao Boi. If he makes it to the merge, Cao Boi will be the first one gone, just because he won’t talk talking about the giant turtle of life, or whatever. If Aitu had been smart, they would have noticed they were walking up on a camp, with a lot of cameras, and whatnot, and they would have snuck around in the jungle getting whatever coconut and Nonee they could find without announcing themselves. That might have been the most awesome development in survivor history, but no, they have to clump up to the camp and sit around awkwardly asking for handouts.

Immunity challenge: Race to assemble stepping poles, then use them to transfer two tribe members from one platform to another. Then all eight tribe members have to swim out and get on top of a very small platform. Stepping poles are like moveable stepping stones on stilts. Jenny and Flicka are going to be the first steppers. Jenny gets to the platform first and they go back for Parvati. Flicka gets there and they go back for Becky. Raro gets to their platform first and are released to swim out to the tiny platform. They have to get all tribe members onto a tiny platform, and clearly someone has to get on someone’s shoulders. People fall in the water. People grab each other’s bottoms. People’s noses are thrust into other people’s armpits. Aitu finally wins by hugging closer, or maybe it was the frictive property of Flicka’s leggings. Another confusing fragmented challenge.

Back at Raro, the tribe is planning to off Cristina. This surprise me because I forgot Cristina existed. Is she the cop? Or was that Cecelia? Is Becky Rebecca? Or is Rebecca Sundra? Stepphanie says something about missing mashed potatoes and gravy to Nate, and he embellishes it to the guys to be that she gave him the eye and said she could see herself with a mashed potato, wearing some gravy. Brad embellishes that to Parvati, to mean that Stepphanie rode a potato around the beach through gravy waves, singing the Star Spangled Banner. All conclude from this that Stephannie again wants to be voted out. The “Stephannie has mentally checked out of this game” meme spreads faster than the brazen and purposeful mispronunciation of the word “nuclear” by Bush supporters. Parvati checks with Stephannie, who says, no, she was just missing her mashed potatoes and gravy, and Parvati concludes that her potato comment was “extorted.” Brilliant girl, our Parvati.

It seems like they get Potatogate all sorted out and they’re back online with voting out Cristina

At tribal council, Nate complains that Cristina is dominant. Cristina apologizes, and says it’s because she’s a cop. So she was the cop. Who was Cecelia? Did she even exist?

Cristina votes for Stephannie. Stephannie votes for Cristina.

While we’re waiting for Jeff to tally the votes, I have a few questions: 1. Is Brad gay? Okay, that was really my only question. I could make one up about Adam’s chinbutt but that wouldn’t be genuine. And I am all about the earnest search for knowledge.

Woops, they voted out Stephannie. I like how Nate claimed to have her back because she was from the original black alliance, and then he happens to be the one who starts the rumor about how she can’t bear to go one more day without a bucket of mashed potatoes and gravy.

Next time on Survivor, Cristina argues that she’s not argumentative, Cao Boi missed the rule about how when you’re telling your dream you have to limit it to 2 minutes unless the dream was about the person you’re telling, and Jeff reveals next week’s big twist: Both tribes will vote people off. Yes, we’re starting to feel this dog dragging too, Jeff. Just bring out the cage and let them fight to the finish. This season is cooked.

Bonus information: 30 Rock GOOD. 20 Good Years BAD.

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Bikes

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Multimedia message

Waiting at the car place

Eating

I went to the YMCA and did my FitLinxx (the extra X is for "powerful abs"!)workout today, after a little cardio on this contraption. And I mean a little cardio. I don't know if it's the fasting or if I'm just awfully unfit, but I could only do a total of 13 minutes, with one break to stretch out. The good news is I can still touch the floor with my forehead with my legs spread apart. During the FitLinxx (the extra X is for "dazzling color"!) thingy I lifted a total of 6000 pounds. That's the cool think about FitLinxx (the extra X is for "miraculous lasagna"!) -- it tells you how many laps, how many stairs, how many pounds, how many strides, etc. over your whole lifetime of using it. When you go around the 12 machines, it keeps track of everything for you as you log into each one. It's a little too hickajicka buttonpunching numberremembering for me, but hey.

NOW since Dan says I need protein after that workout I am eating some chicken soup. It is FANTASTIC. It's very weird, chewing the pieces of chicken, and I feel like I'm having to chew them up very small, over all different parts of my mouth. Also the flavor is kinda overwhelming. This is a can of Healthy Choice chicken soup with rice. I know canned soup is the devil. Preservatives and everything. I'm not going to become Ms. Organic Health Perfect Special or anything. It is VERY weird to be chewing food. I also am halfway through the bowl and feel uncomfortably full.

Have to stop at the store and get some of that yogurt that replaces your bacteria in your intestines, in case I purged them all out.

Costumes

DONE!

Yes I am all clean now. I did a week of fasting and I'm done.

This morning I drank a bunch of fresh squeezed orange juice, then I mushed up and ate a very ripe pear, and now I'm having a teeny, tiny, weeny, winy bit of C O F F E E. Apparently if I jump right back into eating, I'll explode or vomit or become a republican or something, so I have to take it sloooow. But I'm BACK.

That's right, people, the DETOX IS OVER! Let the RETOX BEGIN!!!!

*cackle*

I really can't believe that I made it for a full week. I had no confidence. Initially it was competing with Veronica but then something else took over, almost like I had some sort of will power (that can't be true). I like the idea that food is a choice. I don't really have to eat it. What other perspective did I gain, besides that I'm more determined than I thought I was, and that I don't really have to eat food? Ummm... nothing. I lost only 7 pounds, which I will probably put right back on, and I never got any kind of exciting toxic waste in the toilet. But, it was interesting. And that's saying something.

Waiting

Benny is waiting for a package. Their Halloween costumes are supposed to come today in the mail. I have told him that I wasn't able to get Buzz Lightyear, and that I had to go with Mr. Potato Head instead, and that the costume is just a big brown bag that you wear over your head, with no eye holes, so you just have to run around bumping into things. *cackle* I'm so AWFUL.

Conversation

Dan and I have figured out through trial and error that the best way for him to help me is to be super super mean and awful about the food thing and then I laugh and I feel better. So my new recurring utterance is to ask pitifully for something to eat and he hollers NO at me. And then I crawl away. And somehow, it helps me stay the course. Not cut and run. You get the idea. It also frees me up to rant and rave about how hungry I am without feeling like I am demanding him to be sympathetic and supportive all the time, when all he has to do in response is holler at me to be quiet, I am disturbing his ingestion of pizza and ice cream.

SO.

Me: WHY can't I eat - I just want something to EAT!!! How is it possible that I've survived seven days without putting anything into my mouth besides liquid?

*then I feigned death*

Dan (all chipper): Oh, I guess it's not possible. Hm!

*then I started beating him*

Dan: Apparently you haven't weakened yourself to the point that you can't pummel me. Back on the diet with you!!! *VOLCANIC BURP* Mmmmm, bagel.

Amazing Race 10 Recap Week 4

Amazing Race 10 Recap Week 5

Welcome to the rice paddy! It’s called HanBanBoo or something. I appreciate how Phil always pronounces things very quickly, and I’m sure his pronunciation is totally accurate. That’s just how Phil is. Unlike Probst who can’t get his mouth around “Pavarti.” Duh.

Apparently at the end of the last leg, Rob collapsed from heat exhaustion! We see him with some kind of diaper on his head and his feet in a bucket. And we are reminded of Mary’s sprained ankle. Not to mention the missing leg on that other girl. Sprained ankle my ass, try having NO ANKLE. Well, I tell ya. This race really *is* amazing.

Er/Godwin depart first at 10:55 pm. They have to go to Ly Thai Garden in Hanoi, where they must *listen for* they get some money from an old dude. They interview that they are responsible for representing Asians well, including showing a sense of humor. Then the models are off next, and when they get their money, which is called “Dong,” they make a lot of penis jokes. Rob and Kimberly are off third, and then the beauty queens, and then Peter and Sarah. Sarah interviews that she’s surprised by things about Peter, both good and bad. Like, the fact that he wears ladies underwear was a surprise good surprise? Because I’m assuming the bad surprise was finding out he’s a controlling asshole. Sixth off are the single moms. Then the Kentucky couple, who are wearing the “Friends in low places” shirt again, this time in a tasteful black. I now see that the graphic on the shirt is a coal miner crawling through a tunnel, and the whole thing makes more sense. Last to leave is Team Gay. Off we go!

Next they have to taxi here and a bus there, then find Hydrofoil Harbor. The trick is that they’ve *heard* the clue, which includes Vietnamese names they can’t spell or pronounce. Some teams bring their cab drivers to listen to the clue. Then everyone gets in cabs and sweats and yells. Mary hits on their cab driver and gives him a shudder-inducing hug, Rob and Kimberly get lost, abandon their cab driver, go back to the clue announcer, somehow with the same driver, verbally abuse him (and he does seem to be awful), drive around in circles, and glare at each other. I vote them most likely to resort to cannibalism as stress release. These two should not marry. Someone has to not be a highstrung bitch in any relationship. Or, at the very least, you have to take TURNS being the highstrung bitch. These kids both go at it, all high, all strung, all the time.

Everyone has awful problems with their cabs, but eventually they get to the bus station at Ben Xe Sha La. Of course, the bus station doesn’t open until 5AM. All teams get on the same bus. Now they’re going 100 miles away from the talking clue, and half of them have no idea where to go next.

ROAD BLOCK!!!! Get in boat and go to a cliff face. Use mechanical ascenders to climb up the sheer face of rock.

Okay, they have a choice of who to make do the mechanical ascenders, but Peter and Sarah choose Sarah. Because… ? Can’t Peter do anything? Since he has, you know, legs? This seems so illogical to me that I suspect something. They keep putting in these challenges that would be insanely hard for someone with no leg – I mean, two rock climbs within a couple episodes? Suspicious. I suspect. I’m not sure who I suspect of what activity, but be warned that I am suspicious.

Rob, David, and Terri go up and come down with clues. Next is Edwin, Karlyn, and Dustin. All while Sarah is waiting, listening to people say “It’s all legs! It’s all about the legs! Ooo, my legs!” she is also hearing Peter say random motivational crap. He continues his motivational cliché deluge while the guy is explaining to her what to do, and she finally shushes him. She gets halfway up the cliff and gets tangled and stuck. WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DO THIS ROADBLOCK? Peter, I hate you. You are a useless sack of crap.

After commercial, Sarah gets going again. Peter, who is drinking a coke back in the vote, hollers at Sarah to give Tyler a dirty look as she passes him, and to spit on him. My loathing bubbles as he calls her “sister” as in “Keep it going, sister.” She gets up, comes back down, and they’re off.

Next is Sung Sot Cave, which they have to reach by boat. They have to search around in tunnels and stuff for a clue which tells them it’s time for a DETOUR!

Over or under? Over: Row a boat to get provisions, row the boat to the village, deliver provisions, return their signed invoice to the supply ship. Under: Row around and find 30 oyster baskets.

Rob and Kimberly get off the junk and in a row boat and commence squabbling. Weeks later, they are spotted bumping into the junk they just launched from, with Kimberly screaming at Rob not to have a hissy fit, and Rob having one. Apparently junks make people pissy, because David and Mary snark at each other too. Mary at one point says, “We ain’t never been in the real live ocean.” The gay dudes can’t make their boat work either. Even the brothers are arguing.

GOLDEN MOMENT: Peter and Sarah get in their boat and Peter is rowing. Sarah says something to him along the lines of, “Good job,” probably figuring that since he is an endless volcano of helpful and encouraging phrases, that he must want to hear that when it’s his turn to do anything. He shushes her homosexually, telling her to be quiet, he needs to concentrate, he doesn’t need encouragement, she needs to shut up. UM, HI. YOU ARE ROWING A BOAT. WITH TWO ARMS. When she was going up a cliff with one leg, America wanted to shove a potato down your motivational throat. So take a note from your own lecture, ASS.

Absolutely everyone is having an awful time rowing the boat, probably because there seems to be a brisk wind. Everyone doing Over is rowing against the wind, so they turn around and try doing Under. Except for the Moms, who manage to get to the supply boat and pick up some bananas.

Rob and Kimberly finish getting their oyster baskets. Now they must get back in their boats and row back to the junk, then to the pit stop. They get there. They are team #1. Rob admits that he needs to chill. As jerk boyfriends go,

Peter is being a complete ass. He bumps into the gay team’s boat, then hollers at them, hollers at Sarah, says after this challenge he’s done, he’s done, he’s finished, he doesn’t want to do it anymore. Probably the proximity to the gay team brought out his latent anger. When they get back to the junk, Peter won’t talk to Sarah. He’s pouting. Sarah interviews that she’s disappointed in his temperament and his treatment of her, and then *in front of him* she interviews that she’s mad he was talking about giving up, when she never gave up.

Peter and Sarah are team #2. Tyler and James are team #3, even though their junk driver forgot and left the anchor down. Ed/Godwin are team #4. David and Mary are team #5.

Meanwhile, terrible things are happening.

Karlyn and her CoMom are trying to get back to their junk after being the only team to complete the Over challenge. Dustin and Candace (Are those their names?) row their rowboat all over the place, arduously, cryingly, not knowing that they have to get to their junk. Tom and Terri are trying to get back to their junk, and one of them is swimming and pulling the boat, because they can’t row anymore. Everyone’s crying.

Eventually they all get to the pit stop. First the moms, then the beauty queens, and last the gay guys. They all, though, did completely amazing work on those rowboats. I think this episode had the hardest challenges I’ve seen in a long time. The gay guys interview that they’re both very impressed with Tom and the way he pulled the boat. I am totally impressed too. Wow. That was grueling. I can’t believe they have to keep racing.

Next week, the beauty queens have to charm alligators, and Peter and Sarah continue to implode. Dear Sarah, Peter is gay and rude. He is not going to be a good boyfriend for you. Find someone nicer and who likes girls. Love, Lydia.


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Jim Webb Vs. George Allen : Senate Debate

A Completely Irresponsible Recap
(which includes a lot of paraphrasing and partisan misrepresentation)

OPENING STATEMENTS!

George Allen: Note: Someone has told the man to smile while he talks. It looks bloody painful. Smirkety smirk-smirk, smirkysmirk smirk. Allen reports all the wonderful things the senate has done during his tenure, which takes about 30 seconds, then he gets right to sticking a Hillary/Kerry mask on Webb, coupled with a hairy and hot tax-raiser suit. He trusts free people and free enterprise.

Jim Webb: Webb obviously eats nails for breakfast. I’m surprised this dude stopped with saying that women shouldn’t be in combat. He looks like he’s a hair away from asking the League of Women Voters for a chicken pot pie. He criticizes the government. He talks kind of like James T. Kirk, and if anyone told him to smile while speaking, Webb likely broke open that person’s head and fed her brains to the dog.

Moderator to George Allen: People are dying in Iraq. John Warner (not up for reelection) wants to reassess it. Are you still going to stay the course?

Allen: Terrorists are totally awful people. I personally know the mother of one of the soldiers that died and she’s sitting in the third row right now, and she gave me her son’s dog tags and therefore I am completely not a heartless warmonger.

Webb: Republicans are splitting within their own ranks. We need strategies not clichés. If one more person says we need to stay the course and not cut and run, I’m going to cut their legs off and then poop a diamond.

Follow-up to Allen: How would you define victory in Iraq?

Allen: Iraqis are happy and in control and Iraq is not a safe haven for terrorists.

Moderator to Jim Webb: You used to be Secretary of the Navy. What would you do in Iraq?

Webb: Bring the countries in the region to the table and reach diplomatic solution. The problem is sectarian violence has taken over the country. We need creative leadership.

Allen: My opponent is all about surrendering, withdrawing, retreating, but we’re not occupiers. We’re liberators.

Followup: How would you define victory in Iraq?

Webb: A diplomatic solution and troops out. Note: Uses the word “internecine.” This is liberal code for “My opponent doesn’t even know the meaning of the word internecine.”

Moderator to George Allen: What about this Macaca business? What about these people who say you use the N word? Note: Yes, this moderator actually said “the N word” not the actual word.

Allen: I made a mistake. These allegations are baseless. I have a record of anti-racism. And don’t forget I’m a Jew. Blacks like me too.

Webb: No, actually, blacks like ME and Latinos and Muslims and boy scouts and tigers like me too.

Followup: So, are your old buddies who say you used the N word lying?

Allen: I don’t remember if I said it or not, but the word wasn’t part of my regular vocabulary. And blacks like me and Latinos like me, hell, people who don’t even know me endorse me. Note: I’m not sure what that means. People who don’t even know me endorse me? Who would say that?

Moderator to Jim Webb: What about this sexist article you wrote at the Naval Academy?

Webb: That article is 27 years old. Allen dug this up and spread it around and did commercials on it. As secretary of the Navy, I opened up more opportunities for women than anyone else in the whole wide world. Plus I employ tons of women. Even my campaign manager is a woman. She has boobs and everything.

Allen: Note: He kind of looks like a knobbly unformed, weak, cartoonish Baldwin. Yah, well, I like women and Latinos and blacks.

Follow-up: So, what do you think about women in combat now?

Answer: Fine, fine, I’m happy with what the military is today. Back then I was talking about specific combat roles where I thought women would be inappropriate.

TIME FOR THE PANEL! Let’s meet our panel: Lulu, from LWV. May-Lily from PBS. Ric from CBS. Lulu and May-Lily and Ric -- where are Dipsy and PO?

Lulu to George Allen: The government is being secretive and it’s hard to get information. How can you solve that?

Allen: The internet. More info should be made available online. Note: The man is still smiling fondly as if he’s talking about his grandchildren.

Webb: I spent 8 years in the Pentagon. The number of classified items has skyrocketed in this administration. This is a problem with the current congress and a result of a one party system without oversight.

May-Lily to Jim Webb: What about the gay marriage amendment?

Webb: I oppose it. It takes rights away from people. We already have a law that defines marriage, and we don’t need one in the constitution.

Allen: The most important institution is the family. Ethics. Virtues. Love. Marriage should be between one man and one woman, and this is a way to protect the values and views of the people of Virginia from evil judges. I totally support it with the last drop of red blood in my American veins.

Ric to George Allen: Should tax dollars be used to help out people who are here illegally? Like for shelters and stuff?

Allen: We shouldn’t reward illegal behavior with amnesty. Protect our borders with a fence with sensors. This is a country that has been built by legal immigrants.

Webb: Let me specifically answer your question. This administration has failed on immigration. They haven’t addressed the problem. The shelters you’re talking about are helping keep people safe, and away from the 7-11s and other local businesses where they usually congregate to look for jobs and help. They’re an inefficient solution while we wait for a real one.

Lulu to Jim Webb: We keep borrowing from Asian countries and also Social Security. Is that cool or not?

Webb: It’s not cool. Especially China. We need pay as you go budgeting. We need to get out of Iraq.

Allen: I agree that China is a threat. But I believe that there should be a Taxpayers Bill of Rights, with protection from raised taxes, a line-item veto for the president, protection against raising taxes, and other stuff that totally means I do not want to raise taxes or spend any money.

May-Lily to George Allen: What about alternative fuels? We’re so dependent on foreign oil.

Allen: It’d be great if we had alternative fuels and stuff. The problem is that they can’t travel through pipelines. We need more facilities for making biodiesel in Virginia. Note: Then he smirks like he just ate a gumdrop!

Webb: This administration is in the pocket of big oil. We need to be more like Brazil and use solar, wind, nuclear, and ethanol for power.

Ric to Jim Webb: You said affirmative action is state-sponsored racism. You still feel like that?

Webb: I feel like affirmative action was meant to fix the wounds of slavery, and then ballooned out to include all kinds of other minorities. Now, white males are the only ones excluded. I think it should only assist African Americans, who are the only ones who suffered from from slavery.

Allen: What about Indians, eh? Indians? Remember them? Let me talk more about energy independence. We should improve education. Note: And he goes over the bell. Again and again.

During the next portion of the program, they can ask each other questions. Two each!

Allen to Webb: Aren’t you a big lousy taxer?

Webb: There has been a migration of wealth in this country in the last six years toward the top 1% of the population. They used to have 8% of the wealth, and now they have 16%. We also have massive deficit. I want to focus on where our corporate taxes are. You can’t keep spending like this without paying for it.

Allen: Do you know how many Virginians benefited from the tax cuts you have criticized?

Webb: Do you know how many people you affected when you got rid of the tuition tax break?

Allen: Answer the question! Do you know how many Virginians? Hmm? Do you? Saucy smarty man?

Webb: Do you know how many people you’ve put out on the street with your crappy legislation?

Allen: Answer the question! How many Virginians! If you’re going to make proposals, you should know how many people you’re going to affect!

Webb: What proposal are you talking about? It’s not the one you put in your ad, because you made that up.

Moderator: Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen.

Webb to Allen: How can you raise your own pay 4 times while voting against raising minimum wage 4 times?

Allen: You are friends with Hillary Clinton and John Kerry. You are totally their friend and they probably drove you here tonight.

Webb: You’re misrepresenting to the people of Virginia how I would vote on many issues. You’re using aggregate numbers, George, and you know it. Just like the numbers on your ads.

Allen: Well, you said. You said, you TOTALLY said, that you were going to raise taxes all over the place!

Webb: Not so much. But whatever. I’ll break your skull with my bare hands at the polls.

Allen to Webb: Do you oppose Habeas Corpus for detainees? Or do you hate America?

Webb: We all want information about potential dangers, but we can’t allow this shit to go on without oversight! Congress is not doing any checking or balancing. If there’s some reason that this government believes that other Americans shouldn’t check on them, then there’s a problem.

Allen: I asked about the right of the detainees to file lawsuits. And you’re friends with Hillary Clinton and John Kerry, and these lawsuits clog up our courts and are inappropriate. Can you answer about that? Are you with Bush or Specter?

Webb: We have to make sure that whatever we are doing to people is in accordance with the Geneva Convention and will not blow back on our own troops who are in harm’s way. You have to take a moral high ground when dealing with people around the world.

Webb to Allen: We have a situation in the Senkaku Islands which could blow up into an international incident and I’m wondering what you think about it, George.

Allen: I have never heard of them. I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Webb: The Senkaku Islands are right by Taiwan and there’s a dispute over who they belong to. It’s about the security of Taiwan, Japan, and China, and the islands are all full of oil, and it’s a big issue. So what do you think?

Allen: Taiwan should be free, because I’m all about freedom and liberty.

More questions from the moderator, since we have extra time!

Modator to Allen: You went from a 16 point lead to a statistical tie. Why?

Allen: The campaign shifted from issues and ideas to stuff like my Macaca comment and other crap that Jim Webb smeared on me. I want to make sure to bring it back to being about issues. And I like blacks, Latinos, and women. We want to be the “World Capitol of Innovation!” Write that down! I just made that up!

Webb: On Monday he said he was going to focus on issues, and on Friday he sent out another negative ad, with a woman who claimed to be misquoted in my article, when she wasn’t even quoted in the article. Maybe he should bring it back to issues too.

Moderator to Webb: Should Hastert resign? Or what?

Webb: Oh, I dunno. Who cares. If the leadership fell down on the job, there should be some accountability.

Allen: As a father, I am totally smiling and mugging while I tell you that pedophilia is despicable. I have totally tried to stop people from molesting interns and pages and stuff. As for Hastert, if it comes out that people put politics before protection of children, they should be taken out and shot.

CLOSING STATEMENTS!

Allen: Thanks for your prayers. I am the religious candidate. I smile while I talk. I have a plan to turn Craney Island into a fourth port, and be energy independent. Stuff matters. Knowing how many people will be affected if you take out our tax breaks matters. Elections matter. Issues matter. Keeping people safe matters. Having a biscuit matters. Voting for me matters.

Webb: I like John Warner and he likes me. Allen is the White House’s little happy dog. Look if you were scared by 9/11 and thought you had to vote republican, this is a chance for you to return to the democrat party. Now you can be bold on national security and also feel comfortable with your candidate’s positions on social justice. I hope you feel you can now come home. A senator’s duty is to speak on behalf of those who have no voice. There are a bazillion lobbyists buzzing around Washington, and you need a senator who cannot be bought or bossed. I am that guy. I would appreciate your support.

YOU GOT IT, BUDDY.

george allen
jim webb
debate
politics
virginia senate race

Conversation

Me (with a certain amount of anguish): I AM SO HUNGRY! I JUST WANT TO EAT FOOD. I DO NOT MEAN LEMON DRINK. I MEAN FOOD THAT YOU CHEW. I WANT TO GET A BUNCH OF FOOD, SEE, AND EAT IT. THAT'S WHAT I WANT. I NEED YOUR HELP.

Dan: Awww, honey, you know, I didn't even want you to do this in the---

Me (interrupting rudely): NO! YOU PROMISE TO MOTIVATE ME AND SO YOU MOTIVATE. YOU MOTIVATE RIGHT NOW.

Dan: Umm... hmm... let's see. YOU CAN DO IT!!! (arm motions! explosive grin!)

Me: That's not working. That's not helping.

Dan: Well, see, you've come so far, it's only a couple more days, you don't want to give up now!

Me: NOT WORKING.

Dan: Well, okay, just think about this, it was Veronica's idea, and she's the organic healthy food nut, and she bailed before you did, and just think how great and strong you are--

Me: YES YES THAT'S GOOD. ROLL ON THAT. ROLL ON THAT. (I love Veronica and Dan likes her enthusiastically but we were in a pinch and needed material that would appeal to my awful, base, competitive, black heart. Veronica if you're reading this, you know what I mean.)

Then a child interrupted us and I was distracted.

Me (glumly): There's not even any good TV on tonight.

Dan (brightly): Yeah there is! Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip! In the Doritos TV Happy Hour! Sponsored by Ben & Jerry's!

*thud*

Actually there are other things on TV tonight, including the Senatorial debate between that lying jackass spinmaster George Allen, and the democrat Jim Webb. I don't have any evidence to give Webb any really superlative adjectives, but the one he has is the only one I need.

Dog

Lake

Day at a Glance

12:00AM I got an enormous, strange, overwhelming surge of energy, doubtless caused by a rush of toxins leaving the body. I rushed around, getting ready for the Art Walk, stacking things, discarding things, and laundering things.

8:00AM I got up and drank the quart of salt water, ascertained that the resulting poopage would preclude me going to church, and called Ahno, who agreed to take Benny to church.

9:00AM Benny went off to church. Regarding his exploits there, I give you the following email from Ahno:

This morning at prayer request time, Benny frantically waved his hand and Miss Charley left him until last. I see what you mean about the funny prayer requests. Anyway, when it was his turn, Benny said in an so-earnest voice, "My mother drank a lot of salt water because she's trying to clean out her intestines." Not having had time to prepare for this comical prayer request, Miss Charley burst out laughing and Miss Barbara put her hands over her mouth, shut her eyes and shook all over. I had told them that you weren't feeling well and that I was there to sub for you today. Benny, however, made everything perfectly clear.

Meanwhile I was getting ready for the art walk.

11:00AM Benny and Ahno came back, we shuffled car seats and our various supplies, and head off to the Art Walk. We were supposed to be located inside a local coffee shop, so we wanted to get there early and set up, me and Sadie in the van, Benny and Ahno in her car, with plans to stop at her house and feed Porque Choppe before coming over.

11:30 I got there first, and the owner of the coffee shop wasn't there. When she did get there, Sadie and I went in with some of our stuff, to get the lay of the land, see where we'd be putting things, etc. I immediately got the feeling she didn't really want us there. She kept mentioning that the people last year had a tent outside, and that her shop wasn't kid-friendly, and that nothing could be rearranged, and that she didn't want Sadie to get hurt, etc. So, I was like, at first trying to work with her and then I just said, okay, we'll set up outside. In the wind. And cold. And possibly rain. Okay. So, I made the following set-up in the back of the van:



For other pictures, scroll down. :D

12:00 PM We started our art-walk deal, and Benny had a blast. He was TOTALLY a tough salesman, which was hilarious. Our friends Veronica, Peggy, Hunter, Declan, Mike, Lisa, and some others came by to see us -- that was fantastic. After an hour or so, Dan came and picked up Sadie, since we were after all in the middle of a parking lot which was neither safe nor warm for her. Benny sold out of his prints in about two and a half hours, at which point Ahno and I looked at each other and said... okay, we're done. :D

2:45 We packed up, got in the van, and decided to go check out some of the other porches. Our first stop was a friend we know on Connecticut avenue who happens to live right next door to a house I've been drooling over that's for sale. WHO COULD HAVE THOUGHT -- they were having an open house. We went all through the house and it's fantastic. HUGE and fantastic. I really love it and want to buy it. We're letting it sit for the night and we'll probably talk about it tomorrow, seriously. Pictures below. I dropped Ahno off at her car, went straight home and got Dan and we went back to see it.

A very interesting day. I am still on the cleanse. Now it's time to watch The Amazing Race!!! :D

House

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Basement

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Customer

Busking

Customer

Art walk

Art Walk Tomorrow

These are the paintings that Benny will be showing in the Colonial Place Art Walk tomorrow. Should be interesting. I'm getting prints made of these four, to mount on cardstock so he can sign and sell "prints" of his work, since OBVIOUSLY I am not going to put a price tag on the originals. He'll be the only artist showing who isn't hoping to sell a painting. Hehehe. These are acrylic on canvas. Can you tell the ones that are from when he was five, and the ones that are more recent?

Day 4

Instead of letting the kids eat hot dogs and making Dan get takeout, I found myself preparing a rather elaborate dinner for the family last night, laying it out all nice, and really enjoying just touching and smelling the food -- isn't that completely pathetic??? No cheating, though. Instead of eating, I went upstairs while they were at the table, and took a long fiercely hot bath (recommended for aiding detox) with my Burt's Bees bath salts that Kristen gave me back in June, and Dr. Bronner's Eucalyptus Pure Castile Bar Soap. So instead of eating an elaborate meal, I took an elaborate bath. No cheating, and poor Dan didn't even eat those new Doritos I brought him. Bless his heart. I feel very shaky this morning, so I'm going to gag down more lemon drink -- I think I'll try it hot this morning. Cold and rainy in Virginia.

Sock

Considerations on Day Three of the Master Cleanse

Well, today I went shopping for lots of things, including lemons and limes, and also colby cheese, gourmet italian sausage ravioli, granola bars, pretzels, Doritos, bartlett pears, broccoli florets, YOU GET THE IDEA. Food. I am very hungry now that I'm not nauseated, and I just want to eat. Sadie and Benny were sampling different granola bars at the sampler ladies, and Sadie didn't want the rest of one of her samples, and she handed it to me, and I had it ALMOST IN MY MOUTH, and then I pulled it back, shocked, because, I clean up whatever they don't finish, I mindlessly finish it, being the human garbage disposal, and I actually almost ate that piece of granola, without thinking. I found myself thinking, I could just lick it.

I'll tell you what -- this is very enlightening.

I'm not hungry -- well, I am, but not insanely hungry. But I miss eating food. Foooooood. Food is stuff, the stuff you put into your mouth. Everything is stuff, but some stuff is food. Food is good. I like it. I like eating it. I will say this: When I am done with this fast, I will really strive not to mindlessly eat any more. I am going to appreciate every scrap of cheese, every ripe strawberry, every bite of buttered toast. I really hope I will not forget this experience, and go back to eating quickly, thoughtlessly, while watching TV or surfing the net or whatever. It also makes me think... I don't want to eat crap anymore. I want to... spend lots of time preparing careful exact things made of proper ingredients and then eat it, slowly, carefully. I guess I am saying that I want to pay more attention.

I cut up a plate of peaches for Sadie. Peeled them, sliced them, spread them out on the plate all nice. She doesn't even want them. Sigh.

We got _The Little Mermaid_ today -- I had never seen it, but I *really* like it. She's so sweet and earnest and good and cute. Cinderella wishes she could be this cool.

Survivor Cook Islands Recap Week 4

Survivor Cook Islands Week 4

Previously on Survivor: I really hated these people last week, and I hate them even more now that I’m in the middle of cleansing my toxins, which means that I am sick as a dog. Heh, heh, vote for this, vote for that, Cao Boi, Becky, in out, puke, stock footage. I find that the only person I do not hate in my fog of nausea and starvation is YUL. So Yul is my new favorite. Everyone else better watch it, I’m in a foul humor.

Strange. No coming on. No Ooooeeee OOOooeeee etc? Strange.

I guess this week they show the post-tribal-council fallout before the coming on. Ozzy is upset that Cecelia is gone, and as the only member of the original Latino tribe still living at their original camp, he is all pissy and prematurely reaches the “If they’re just going to vote me off then I’m not going to find food for them anymore” conclusion that most people wait at least a week to find. Whatever. He also petulantly rejects a hermit crab. Pouter. Eat your crab.

Here is the coming on. It reminds me that Jessica/Flicka’s leggings are *really* stupid, I just so hope that someone in a post-eviction interview asks her about those inexplicable leggings. Are they… mosquito repelling? What the hell.

I drink my peppermint tea.


When Candace comes back from Exile Island to rejoin Aitu, Flicka hypothesizes that Adam and Parvati sent her there to protect her from the vote, like they have some special thing. Candace plays dumb and says that she hadn’t thought about that, because she didn’t have time. Alone on an island for two days, she did not have time to think about who put her there and why. Good one, Candace. You sure pulled the motheaten gauze over their eyes.

Over at Raro, Parvati and the girls are fussing around with the shelter while the boys sit around drinking coconuts and watching the fire. As we were duly warned in the preview for this show, Parvati doesn’t like this. One of the men wonders if the girls are mad, but their four guy alliance is not perturbed at all. The girls need them for manpower.

Reward challenge: It’s Ye Olde Clipped To A Tangled Rope challenge, complicated by a decoding wheel out in the ocean, which shall be used to decode a puzzle. They’re playing for pillows and blankets and a hammock.

For Aitu, Becky and Candace are attached to the rope. For Raro, it’s Jenny and Christina. Go! People shout, “I have slack!” and “Pull pull!” At one point Yul pulls Becky feet first under a log and removes most of her face. When the girls get irritated at being shoved and pulled and mauled and hollered at, they are told to hush, they’ll get pillows later. Ozzy goes swimming for Aitu, brings back the decoder wheel. Brad goes swimming for Raro while Aitu puzzles over the code. Thanks to my favorite, Yul, Aitu wins the reward and gets to send one of Raro over to Exile Island. They choose Adam. ALL of these people are so paralytically boring! Is it ME?


Disney World’s theme this year is “The Year of a Million Dreams.” Last year was “The Happiest Celebration on Earth.” We are wondering if they ever give up and have an off year, like “The Year You Should Probably Skip” or the “Well, It’s All Right, But, It’s Been Better” year.

Do you have your Survivor Mobile Trading Cards yet? If you do, you totally suck.


Flicka is irritating for the same reason that the rocker chick on ANTM is irritating. Always squinting and never enunciating.

At Aitu, Ozzy follows up on his promise to not catch any more food by catching 11 fish at once. He expounds on his “I’m not providing for them if they’re going to vote me off” theme by saying that he is such a great provider that he feels really confident in his place in the tribe. The others patronizingly nickname him Poseidon. I pick Poseidon to go home tonight.

At Raro, J.P. is bossing everyone around while lying on his ass next to the fire. Parvati isn’t amused. Parvati gets Nate to admit the guys have an alliance, but that he has her back. Nate interviews that Parvati is his ace, he can trust her, and while there might be sparks in the future, he doesn’t want to be thinking like a dumb-dumb right now. Meanwhile Parvati is planting a seed of resentment against J.P. in Nate’s head.


Raro finds a bird nest. Cao Boi climbs the tree and hollers at the bird, then takes a stick and knocks the nest out of the tree, along with the little chick inside. Jonathan almost starts crying. WAIT, Jonathan sounds more like Alan Alda today, not Ray Romano. Cao Boi puts the nest back, and says he feels very bad and humble. In short, everyone behaved in completely predictable and uninteresting ways. Blah.

Immunity challenge: Build a stretcher which is a puzzle. Carry it through the jungle. Swim out to rescue someone else who is shackled in a mast out in the water. Swim back, put that person on the stretcher, go back through the jungle. Build a rescue fire. Light the thingy.

Raro gets out first with their stretcher. Then Aitu. Ozzy catches J.P. in the water and is first to rescue his prisoner from the mast – Candace. Raro trail them back through the jungle. So, it’s down to the fire. Cao Boi has a flame. Jenny gets her hand half cut off. Aitu wins immunity. They’re all very happy.


During the commercial break, I’m reminded that our last “Stephanie” didn’t spell her name right either.


Stephannie informs us that someone has to go home tonight. She feels like she’s the weakest link, and says that out loud to the tribe. The boys and Christina discuss around mouthfuls of coconut that if she wants to go, they’ll tell her she’s leaving, and thereby give her the “reshpect” she deserves. However, Jenny and Rebecca take a trip to the jungle to form a girls alliance to vote out J.P. Stephannie is now having second thoughts about telling her tribe she wants to be voted out, so she’s open to the girls alliance. The only one they need now is Parvati. Or Brad. They try to get both of them on board, but go to tribal council without being sure. Or maybe they are sure.

At tribal council, they say things about moving forward, and how they don’t trust anyone, and how this will be the hardest vote ever, and then they vote out: J.P. He is genuinely shocked. If he was so strong, and the guys were so important to the team, why did they lose the last two challenges? Eh, bossy?


Next time on Survivor, Parvati is mad because the boys aren’t working… oh… wait no… Cao Boi is mad because the girls aren’t working. And someone gets an unexpected visitor. I hope it’s a bunch of angry warthogs.


survivor
recap
reality
tv
cook islands

Day 2 is Over

At least I'm calling it over.

I've settled on this: Big glass of water with 3 tablespoons of lemon juice, one tablespoon of maple syrup, no cayenne pepper. I can't handle it until I feel less like puking the earth.

The headache got so bad today that I took one of Dan's migraine pills, just because I had to be functional. I was ready to slam my head in the front door repeatedly, just to either crack it open or explode it or something. It was DIRE. Total nausea. I realize I probably shouldn't have taken drugs while cleansing, but... I couldn't go on and I have children to take care of.

This *can't* all be caffeine withdrawal. I've gone off caffeine before... multiple times. And it isn't this bad. I've quit smoking and it wasn't this bad. This reminds me of when I was in my first trimester with Benny -- and I remember lying on the tile floor in our apartment in Chicago, periodically getting upright to unload nothingness into the toilet, then falling back down to press my head against the floor. Only pregnancy is this bad -- yay for pregnancy.

The other thing, and I realize this is gross, is that I haven't pooped yet and I'm supposed to be pooping like 3 times a day with military precision. I did the Senna tea today -- couldn't get it down last night either. I think with all the hurling I might be dehydrated. I'm going to earnestly TRY now that I have a little headache relief from the Midrin, to drink a whole lot of water.

Benny is sweetly, sweetly, lovingly helping Sadie play her computer game, with his hand sweetly lovingly on her little round head. These children are so completely adorable.

Dawn of Day 2

Well.

Last night my headache got worse and worse as I put the kids to bed. I came downstairs after tucking them in, and sat on the sofa for like five minutes trying to watch ANTM on Tivo. I still had to drink my Senna tea and another bucket of the lemon swill. Instead I threw up violently. Wow, what a headache. I don't know when I've had one that bad. I drank a little water, thinking if I could just drink the Senna tea I could go to bed... no way. Threw up again, in a massive, assertive way, and then crawled up to bed feeling like a dying goat.

This morning I'm feeling *much* better.

I have a big jug of organic maple syrup and I'm going to use that in the lemon juice instead of molasses today. And I guess I'll drink Senna tea this morning... see what happens. We have homeschool park day today -- I hope I'm not running to the potty every other minute. That could be bad. The good news is that I don't feel hungry at all.

I'm sure it's all fine.

There are some links about cleansing down in the right hand sidebar of this blog, including other people also currently cleansing, and "The Raw Food Site" where you can learn everything you ever wanted to know about the Master Cleanse. There's also a book or something but who reads books anymore? *sound of western civilization cracking down the middle* You don't get to eat but you do get to drink peppermint tea! Wow! Peppermint tea sounds so awesome especially stacked up next to the swill I am currently trying to gag down while my husband feasts on smoked sausage, baked potato, and green beans. EVS.

Nanowrimo is National Novel Writing Month which I did last year, with the help of my supportive and helpful husband and Ahno. You write 50,000 words in a month. Find out more at http://www.nanowrimo.org. It's very fun. Last year I wrote a young adult fantasy novel, but after 50,000 words I still needed 3 more chapters to finish the book, which I am supposed to now write, before November 1.

Regarding the picture below... supposedly while cleansing you're supposed to take multiple and vicious baths scrubbing vehemently, because whatever toxins can't manage to find their way out your butt are going to drift out your pores. So while at the YMCA today, doing 40 minutes of laps and then (THEN) upper body workout in the pool with the styrofoam barbell thingies, I sat in the hot tub and then the steam room, smoking out lots of toxins which I then scrubbed VEHEMENTLY until they washed down the drain. GOODBYE TOXINS! SEE YOU IN 10 DAYS! Hehehe. Did I mention I have a crippling headache from no caffeine? I pity the fools who show up on ANTM tonight because I am going to scathingly criticize them to Dan. I HOPE THEY ARE READY.

Today I drank all but 16 oz of the 64 oz I'm supposed to drink of the molasses crap. I also went to the store and got some organic grade B maple syrup, so tomorrow's swill will use that instead of molasses, and will also use significantly less CAYENNE PEPPER. *gag*

Apparently, you're supposed to start the Senna tea the day BEFORE you drink the crap. So, tonight will be my first round of Senna tea, which gently and herbally lifts all the impacted tarlike impurity from your intestines, so that the hot salt water can flush it all away in the morning. YAY! I super-love hot salt water.

At the end of all this, I get to go to Disney World, though, so, that's good.

Dog park

Toxins!

Master Cleanse Againse

My friend Veronica and I are doing the "Master Cleanse" starting today. The basic idea is threefold:

1. Wake up and drink a quart of hot salt water.
2. Throughout the day drink a mixture of lemon juice, molasses or maple syrup, and cayenne pepper in water.
3. Drink senna tea at night.

My goal is to do this for ten days. We're leaving for Disney World on the 15th, so, obviously, I don't want to be doing it at Disney World. In fact, if I actually do make it to 7 days, during the last 3 days I'll be phasing it out so I'm back to normal by the time we leave. Realistically, if I make it through four days I'll be happy. Or one day. Hehehe. We'll see.

I have three reasons for doing this:

1. Nanowrimo is coming up and I want to be mentally on.
2. Just started this new fitness regimen with Fitlinxx at the YMCA to strengthen my back muscles so I can return to martial arts next year (I hope).
3. Veronica told me to. *CACKLE*

Here we go!

Violin

Knight

Tram

Moss

Fountains

Wow

Leader

Question

What is, in your experience or even in your completely unqualified opinion, the best way to encourage kids to try new foods? Benny recently tried and liked shrimp and CRAB, of all things. I don't know *why* he tried them or why he liked them. Am I doing something that accidentally worked? Or was he just inexorably drawn by destiny to ask for and subsequently enjoy the shrimp and the crab? Mysterious. How do you get kids to try unfamiliar food?

Amazing Race 10 Recap Week 3

Amazing Race 10 Recap: Week 3

Last week my TIVO snapped its jaws on the last 15 minutes of the show, because of some kind of sporting event. So no recap. This week I was wise, and TIVOd the next show too, which is, unsurprisingly, some drama about crime. SO. I think I’m good, even though I didn’t see Andy Rooney’s hallowed jowls through my fog of fast forwarding until the counter was on 31 minutes.

Last week on the Amazing Race, they rode horses, hauled water, packed camels, and shot arrows, and apparently Team Cheerleader got sent home. Good, they were the most boring team. I can’t believe I waited until now to find this out. Maybe I really *don’t* care! The recap reminded me of the awesomeness of using animals in challenges. The horse dragging the beauty queen and the ox running off on Mr. One-Leg – those were magic moments.

The opening credits remind me that I don’t really violently hate any one team. That’s exciting! Even Team Considering, who are supposed to be the fighting couple, are staying pretty reasonable. The only person that I really want to bump to the front of the cockpunch line is Mr. One-Leg. Last week he treated her inexcusably in ways too numerous to mention. He’s gay, he’s a control freak, he’s a ninny, he’s disrespectful, and he needs to shut his flapping, yapping maw. I want him to get eaten by a Mongolian Jumping Frog. I miss the nice Indian couple.

AND THEY’RE OFF.

They have to go to Viet Nam, to the prison known as the Hanoi Hilton. The teams try to sound excited about going to Viet Nam, the way they tried to sound excited about Mongolia. Peter requires total excitement from Sarah at all times, even when she’s going to Viet Nam on a busted prosthetic leg. The other thing to give them pause is that they get no money for this leg of the race.

Team One Leg and Team Gay Daughter get off to a good start and find the one place they’re allowed to buy their tickets Team Pageant and Team Considering are next. The place doesn’t open until later. Mr. Kentucky is teary about going to Viet Nam, where his father served, but Mrs. Kentucky will allow no whining unless his speed is over 60 mph. David snaps back, pronouncing speedometer with the emphasis on the first syllable.

Team Ed/Godwin interview that they have already won because they… oh, woops… I just fell asleep listening to their feel good crap about experiencing life together.

When I wake up, the first five teams are waiting at the travel agency. There are four agents and five teams. Team Gay passes up an available agent and Team Pageant, who had been the fifth team in line, grabs her. Woops! Woopsie! Team Gay flies into full on freak out, saying, “They cut in front of us! Are you kidding me? That’s not fair! We were in front!” When the blondes point out that the gay dudes passed her up, and that they are playing fair, etc. one of the models interviews that “The blondes are conniving. They’re always looking for some way they can get an inch on anybody else.” The blondes interview that they are totally not in the wrong and the gay guys interview that their inner children have been slaughtered and they will never forget. Dumbasses. I’m waiting for the season when all the teams *start out* cynical and we don’t have to witness these deflowerings.

Apparently Mary has a twisted ankle. And now that we’ve been reminded of that, they’re off to Beijing and Hanoi.

Pageant gets out of the airport first. As the teams get into cabs, money becomes a serious concern. Duke and Lauren pick up a local guide, but then have to wait for her as the other teams leave. Then apparently they have to take her to her house, and then they have to still get to wherever they’re going. Lauren is extremely irritated and clearly blames intolerant Daddy for it all. If only he were more cool with her being gay, this woman would have taken them directly to their destination. Team Pageant stops to look at an accident involving an overturned truck and get passed by a bunch of teams.

Team Gay Daughter and Team Pageant need not have worried. They are going to be sleeping outside the Maison Centrale, and everyone will go in together in the morning. Mr. One-Leg Peter says “I can say I camped out in Viet Nam.” What the hell does that mean? In the morning, teams have to search the grounds of the prison for John McCain’s flight suit, to find their next clue. It’s in a glass case. Team Gay finds it first and they “take a moment” before rushing off. No one else takes a moment. INSENSITIVE JERKS! Wait, stop, Ed/Godwin, the brainiac brothers, take a whole bunch of moments to honor the place thoughtfully. You know, I could have predicted that.

They need taxis to get where they’re going, and team Gay Daughter has no money for one. So they walk. To a flower market which is a road block. Each team has to take a bicycle with flower baskets, and sell enough to earn $5 which is approximately 80 billion Vietnamese currency. Whatever they earn they can keep. Zany antics ensue. People fall off bicycles. People wear inverted wok hats. Gay men shout at Vietnamese people.

Peter and Sarah finish first, because her one leg stays off the bicycle and he decides not to order his flower customers to have positive attitudes. Ed/Godwin have trouble. People finish and don’t finish and get onto busses and it’s very confusing. Every time the camera picks up Sarah it starts with a close shot of her metal leg, and at the end of this segment all the teams are on busses but Sarah and Peter, and they’re standing on the side of the road. I’m not sure why. Motivate your way out of this one, Mr. Bossy.

Everyone gets to Vac. Phil mentions that for safety reasons, teams are not allowed to ride motorcycles at all in Viet Nam. A bunch of huge dragon puppets rush at them while they pick up the clue for the detour. Fuel or Fowl? They have to either make a bunch of coal bricks, using a traditional press, or make a bird cage, using a traditional… bunch of wicker. When Team Gay arrives in Vac, we understand why we got the lecture about motorcycles, because they immediately jump onto the backs of two guys’ motorcycles to get to the clue box. HOW NIGHTMARISH! Right on the backs of motorcycles!!!!!

Ed/Godwin choose to make coal bricks and make a whole batch of them too short. Tom and Teri also choose fuel. So do the beauty queens, the moms, and everyone else including… the coal miner! Amazing! Coal for everyone! The coal is like clay – dirty, awful, goopy clay. The teams have to put it into a combination play-doh fun factory and waffle iron.

Peter and Sarah are finally in Vac and Peter takes a moment to tell Sarah she’s not moving fast enough. He tells her it’s only one kilometer and she says, obediently, and cheerfully, that she can totally do that! I want that jackass to carry her, and love doing it, before this race is over. Unfortunately, it’ll probably end up being the other way around.

Duke and Lauren have trouble finding the coal place but accidentally find the bird cage place, so they sit down to do that. Coal Miner Dave admits that his head isn’t in the race at all because of being in Viet Nam like his father was during the war. You can tell from what he says and how moved he is by everything that he’s built it up in his mind into something enormous. You know, they always seem to find some way to mess with the racers’ heads. Remember that family whose husband/father was killed on a race track, and it seemed like *every challenge* was bumper cars, or ride around a race track, or something like that? So here’s this guy who clearly views Viet Nam as the ninth circle of hell, and where are we going? Viet Nam.

Ed/Godwin are the first to arrive at the pit stop in the middle of a rice paddy!!! They win something. Tom and Terry come in second, but they get a 30 minute penalty for riding those completely unsafe motorcycles. They have to wait in the rice paddy under the stern eye of the lady in the upside down wok hat, who clearly thinks riding motorcycles is tantamount to decapitating kittens.

Models, Kentucky, Pageants, Considering, and One-Leg finish their coal. Mary left her fanny pack at the coal place and they have to go back. Considering, Models, and Pageant check in to the pit stop ahead of Team Gay, and One-Leg comes through too, with Peter yapping vapidly and obliviously about team work while Sarah is having to go on all fours to get across the rice paddy path. CARRY HER you stupid ass. He’d probably nance on for hours about how carrying her would be insulting to her – how is it not insulting to trot on ahead of her, rhapsodizing about your team work skills, while she is ON HER HANDS IN THE RICE PADDY trying to struggle after. I want to beat this guy in the face. Team Mom finishes the coal and comes in to the pit stop – one of them is wearing just a bra, I promise you. Team Gay Daugher finishes the bird house. Team Kentucky limps in, covered with rice and coal. Still Team GAY is waiting in the wings.

For a while it seems like even Dad Duke and Lesbyterian Lauren are going to make it in before Tom and Terry’s time penalty runs out, but they don’t. Instead, they get Philiminated. They were nice people. Tom and Terry live on to crankily bitch at more blondes.

Next week on the Amazing Race! Sarah finally points out that Mr. Sarah-You’re-No-Quitter Peter is a big fat hypocrite, and Rob and Kimberly have a fight in a boat.

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Trampoline Fun

Here's a video of the kids playing on the trampoline with Zoe and Phillip:



If you go to my YouTube channel, there are four more movies I added today.