The History of Virginia

Virginia has a long and important history. Many times in the past, in the past so far distant that there are few now who remember it, most of Virginia was underwater. It was flooded by an ancient Virginian sea. When the earth began to shrink, in about 1382 during the time of the dark ages, enormous folds of the rocky layers of earth were squeezed up into the air, and formed the spine of the mountains that now streak across the western end of the state. At least, this planetary contraction raised the first incarnation. Wind and rain shook the mountains down, and wore them out, and ground them down to the ground, and they were raised up again, these Virginian mountains, three times over the course of the millennia between then and now, by the flinching of the earth. This is literally true. On an average year here it rains about 45 inches, or 114 centimeters.

Long after that, in eighteen-sixty-cough, Virginia was a central player in the War of Northern Aggression. It was brother against brother. Man, it was intense. Many battlefields received weathered plaques as a result of this. Later, the earth began to shrink again, this time metaphorically and in the service of capitalism. Virginia became a red state and a military state. It became a state that borders on the north, but is still in the south, a state that borders on the capitol of the country, but is still politically mentally retarded. A fine state to be proud of. The state between Maryland and North Carolina.