| Celia Goes to Thalos as a Spy
I was on my way back from giving some aid
to a poor little orc who thought he could scam the elixir
salesman and lost his life to the cyclops in the mountains.
Headed back to Bree past the turn-off for Thalos, it occurred to
me I could do some service by scouting out the landscape in the
city we hope to conquer.
After scamming a maid's uniform from a
minotaur servant, I put it on,added a little orange lipstick and
some rollers in my hair, and put on my dentures to hide my
fangs. I checked my reflection in the Bree fountain -- oops, no
reflection. Have to take it on faith I look less like a wicked
little vampire and more like Mathilda the maid. Just for good
measure I picked up a feather duster.
On my way into Thalos, I was stopped by two
of those skanky lamia. One snarled and asked me my business,
while the other picked at her elbow. Classy bunch, these. We're
going to have to bleach the daggers after we're done here.
"I'm from 'Maid for You' ma'am,"
I said, "Here to dust the golems."
They shuffled off. I had to tell my little
story to a few more of these snaggletoothed females on my way
through the city, but they are not an intelligent crowd, and I
doubt they felt any suspicion. I pottered through the streets
and buildings, made my notes on the back of a menu from the
Cider Cup, and even stopped up in the watchtower to give the
golems a bit of a scrub.
My
information follows in another note.
Celia Reports
from Behind Enemy Lines
My Dearest Chieftainess,
I hope this message reaches you. I am
unable to return to the keep at the moment as I am deep
undercover and am currently being forced to weed the garden path
in order not to break the illusion. I hope this horned lizard is
able to escape unnoticed, and that the charm lasts, and that the
tape lasts, and that he doesn't eat the note. Well, you know,
I hope a lot of things. Anyway, here are my observations:
1. The city as you know is dominated
by the presence of
a whacking huge eyeball in the temple. I snuck around to watch
him dispatch a few adventurers. He fights with a fire spell, and
wears a great iron shield. The little warriors all seemed to be
intensely afraid, and cried in fear when they saw him. I suspect
could be turned into his greatest weakness.
2. The other problem are these
odiferous lamia, whose
chief weapon appears to be the overwhelming stench of a whore
who's neglected to bathe. They do have daggers, but who could
stay alert enough to fight them? I recommend nose plugs for the
footsoldiers.
3. Our other task will be dispatching the
pious golems that
stand in the watchtowers above the city. They wear mirthril
armor that just reeks with righteousness, and they appear to
become completely furious with rage during their battles.
So... those three toughies and a couple of
slick little mimics
and the city will be clear for our leaders to walk in easily and
take over.
Here's my recommendation, and obviously,
I'm just a priestess,
what do I know, but here goes: I say we come in slashing.
Let the streets run with lamia blood around the Grand Gate. As
they all gather to fight, we send runners to the four
watchtowers to block the doors. The golems will be only too
happy to see the lamia die, but they won't want us to be the
ones doing it. So, leave them to stew in their towers for now.
Leave the mimics to taunt our future
visitors.What lamia we don't kill we tie up and enslave. When
the city is empty, we
advance on the temple and slaughter the Beholder, then
execute the golems one by one when the Vampire Lords arrive -- a
symbolic end to their "reign" over Thalos, and the
beginning of yours.
These are just thoughts, as I'm here now in
the middle of it
looking around and scheming. I look forward to doing further
service from behind enemy lines.
Yours,
Celia AKA Mathilda the Maid
The
Intercepted Message
In the darkness a child sleeps. Her breath
pushes a ragged blanket up and down. Somewhere, a pipe is broken
and dripping. It is night. Like a breeze over a broken branch, a
figure oozes through the open window. She wears a dirty robe,
and her black hair is tied into two braids, wrapped around her
neck like armor.
“I smell you,” she whispers, “Where
are you, you little jackass?”
The girl begins to move through the
small room, sniffing. In a Small cage under a broken desk, she
finds what she’s looking for, A small lizard, dressed in a
backpack. He looks sheepish. He is Wearing a name tag.
“Phil?” says the girl, “They
named you freakin Phil??? What is this, Lamia of our Lives?”
The lizard blushes and turns away.
“I ought to eat you,” says his
captor. “You’re a traitor. And you need a bath. But never
mind. Show me what you have.”
The girl flips open the tiny backpack
strapped to the lizard’s Frame, and then growls audibly,
because it’s empty.
“Daddy?” says a voice behind her.
A tiny, juicy voice.
When the girl in braids slips back
out the window, she is carrying a repentant lizard, and the
child in the bed is pale and fast asleep, with two tiny marks on her meek little neck.
Another Report
Dearest Chieftainess,
I have news. We thought that the
humans who ruled this city were wiped out by the lamia they
bred. We were wrong. They are still here. They live in little
buckets and hovels outside a crack in the wall opposite the
grand gate.
They are a pathetic remnant of the
old nobility – mostly bureaucrats and pencil-pushers, who just
couldn’t let the red tape go, I guess. No weapons to speak of,
unless you count mildewed forms and an obsessive attention to
copper pieces.
Apparently my lizard decided to take
a shortcut out and ended up In a cage in their dirty little
enclave. I have it back now, along with A stomach full of human
blood and a full water canteen. Good thing, Because the lamia
platelets were giving me gas big time.
Speaking of our filthy female
friends, they seem to have a working Relationship with these
other residents. At some point, a truce Must have been reached.
Who cares.
I suggest we lay a portal to Mordor
in the middle of their revolting Little Hutches, wait til they
poke their petty little noses in, and let Sauron sort them out.
Please eat this lizard. He is not a
good lizard. No need to send Return message unless plans have
changed.
Love,
CELIA |
