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Tuesday, January 27, 2004 ( 3:51 PM ) Lostcheerio Golden Globes Yeh, the Golden Globes happened on Sunday night. The most important moment of the evening was when LOTR (and I do mean LOTR not ROTK) won Best Picture, or Best Dramatic Film or whatever communist category the Golden Globers came up with. FINALLY Peter Jackson (who also won best director of a dramatic film movie picture of drama, OR WHATEVER) gets credit for creating the finest piece of filmmaking I have ever personally witnessed. So there. So I'm the biggest geek in the world, SO WHAT. :) What else happened? Well Uma Thurman, Charlize Theron, and Nicole Kidman collaboratively invented a new hairstyle. The new hairstyle can be duplicated at home by following these important steps, my hobbits: First dye your hair yellow. Not blonde, but YELLOW. Then curl it into sort of random curliness. If you are Nicole Kidman, go for extra kink here. Then dash through the rain, allow a cat to suck meditatively on your entire head, and add some clippy accessories (or if you are Nicole Kidman, a belt from the eighties) and you're DONE! A STELLAR SUPERSTAR as Dumb David would say! Other hair notes: Holly Hunter looked absolutely GREAT in her "I slept in braids" mane. She looked younger than dew. At least, her head did, I never saw a full shot. Tyra Banks looked like she had her head hanging out the window all the way to the event, and even scraped it down the length of a few hedgerows to prove she was fierce. Who pulled off the yellow hair trick? Ellen Burstyn, who looked beyond marvelous in many colors of orange. Who let the cat suck on her head a bit too long? Diane Keaton, whose acceptance speech (Thesis statement: I am old) was made more unbearably painful by the fact that she had written the many iterations of "I am old" on a little sad piece of paper! Uuuugh. I used to love thee. Peter Jackson and Johnny Depp were competing in the category "Scary Mountain Men" and Peter Jackson won, but vindicated his whole look by claiming to be a hobbit. HA HA HA!!! Wow, that Australian humor. See, get it, because he directed Lord of the Rings. Which had hobbits. And he looked like he'd been run over by a cave troll. Which hobbits don't. So. There you go. Speaking of foreigners, I have a question. Why is it that we import Brits to play Americans while getting Americans to play Brits? Come on!? F'rexample, we have Cold Mountain, in which Nicole Kidman (Australian) and Jude Law (British) play some American people engaging in Civil War dramatics. Then we have Renee Zellwegger at the same table, clearly American, who has excused herself for being righteously fat by the fact that she's in the middle of filming a sequel to Bridget Jones' Diary. Bridget being of course British. Eh what? You look like a football player trying to pass for a forties starlet. In other words, big in the shoulders, regardless of the regal blue. Sorry. In dresses, there was good sparkle and bad sparkle. Everyone wanted sparkle (except Christina Ricci who was pretending to be a black hole in a quite STUNNING and beautiful vintage gown). Good sparkle: Allison Janning. Looked like she walked through a spider web after a rain shower and it left pretty diamonds all over her dress. Bad sparkle: Nicole Kidman. Looked like a mermaid costume and cheap at that. Yuck. Good sparkle but huge head: Brittany Murphy. WHAT is with that girl's wee huge noggin? Bad sparkle and honey the goddess dress thing is over: Jennifer Lopez, who wore a coral goddess dress with a yicky little lame belt, blah. Aphrodite you ain't. The color made your skin look puce. SoRrY. Lessee what's left -- Duchess of York looked monstrous, Sarah Jessica Parker looked like Tinkerbell in battleship grey, Bill Murray looked like a sociology professor, Clint Eastwood's acceptance speech on behalf of Sean Penn in which he noted that most people are nominated for some kind of "imbecilic peak role" (DOH!) was only slightly less embarrassing than Meryl Streep's whole "I can be political and flip my hair too because unlike Diane Keaton I'm not not not not old and my name is little Jack Horner and who dare meddle wi' me???" speech. Who did I actually LIKE? The PREGNANT PEOPLE!!!! Cate Blanchett looked like an absolute VISION in that dark red satin maternity gown, with her perfect perfect lovely sculpted Hollywood hair and that great skin -- byooteeful. Also Debra Messing was stunning (and pregnant) in a custom couture maternity gown all in black. Perfect. I seriously think the pregnant people looked better than anyone else. SO THERE! # |
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